i sorta lost count of time, i wish i could understand why things happen in my life. first, i had to recognize how lucky i actually am to have the people around me, whom were always there to support and was always there when i needed someone. i truly appreciate their presents in my life, and this i will forever remember for what they did and sacrifice for me. i am really blessed that, i am always surround with lovely people.
dear life, kindly do explain to me why would it be that hard to separate?
dear life, kindly do let me know why is this happening to my life.. dear life, please just let me know ... why..
cause im lost and confuse by the happenings in my life. as at one point, (many point actually) when i choose to walk .. in the end, i end up at the same place..
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Just Another Day`
You said you had your own reason, well .. i believed that reason was selfish enough because it broke my precious heart into million pieces. :') but what more words can say, i do not want to fight, nor do i want to do anything to .. hurt you even tho i know the truth. like you said, "God is fair, when something is not right, soon it will be revealed " and yes, i know what's behind scene and it wasn't pretty at all.
I might choose to not do anything because, it seems that your so 'desperate' till you actually do what you did just in order to achieve your own desire. but i hope you knew that all this while, there wasn't really any of my desire .. i was always trying to achieve the same dream as you dream.. the dream of, living a good life together and helping your family was my dream along side with you. And now, you created another dream with someone else.. :')
again what more words can say, if you believe that you made the right decision then there's nothing more i could do. :)
again, you said you had your reasons..
soon, i'd be away. i would be out of this.
as you wished, because you should know that.. you cant have both and you even said it yourself.. that if you had her, you wont need me anymore.
I might choose to not do anything because, it seems that your so 'desperate' till you actually do what you did just in order to achieve your own desire. but i hope you knew that all this while, there wasn't really any of my desire .. i was always trying to achieve the same dream as you dream.. the dream of, living a good life together and helping your family was my dream along side with you. And now, you created another dream with someone else.. :')
again what more words can say, if you believe that you made the right decision then there's nothing more i could do. :)
again, you said you had your reasons..
soon, i'd be away. i would be out of this.
as you wished, because you should know that.. you cant have both and you even said it yourself.. that if you had her, you wont need me anymore.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
my birthday.
who would have imagined that, the person whom i met two years ago.. and ever since that day, i was always with him when he needed me. most of all, i was always there for him. but on my very special 21st birthday, he could only afford to spare 2 hours of his time for me. :') how saddening but i bet there's more sad story out there.
does the moral of 'treat someone as how you wanted to be treated' even make any sense? i totally disagree :) cause it doesn't.
it's been almost 3 months where it all started to crash, and it's been 2 months ever since he decided to find something new in his life. at first, it was really hard for me to accept the fact that this is really happening and everyday i fight to smile, fight to stop the pain that is crushing me inside until today eventho he lied, he sins, he broke this precious heart of mine to have someone else's heart, yet this heart still loves and cares him dearly, therefore there goes the word ' love is blind '
And he would never ever be able to debate with me by the fact that ' he never truly loves me ' he doesnt understand that love means to accept one another no matter what, no matter how hard, how difficult still you never ever gave up on one another. because whatever i've encountered with him this 2 years, never had i ever thought of finding someone else. worst is, even after this happened. i still loves him and if i may say, i still do loves him with all my heart. if that was even possible but i still love God as well.
i would try to pray for signs whether are we meant to be or are we not. if signs have shown that we are not meant to be, i will move away. indeeed there's alot of signs, but what is to believe when this heart always tells me that .. your the one...
if we arent meant to be, then perhaps you should make an effort not to meet me as well.
so shall this relationship but to an end, and i shall never want to know a person like you, you shall own no right to even call me by my name. hopefullyy never ever say that i am your 'ex chinese' or whatsoever, consider we were never together and that you never knew me.
you took our two year relationship for granted. tsk*
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Dear God,
indeed You are new to me, i've just started to learn more about You. i pray that You'll help to mend my shattered heart back and keep me strong. i would like to say that MEETING him is such a mistake but i know that You wouldn't say that because this was all under Your Plan. what more words could say, i know that this is all my punishment for sinning against You. i pledge for forgiveness but yet i still sin, therefore i know that this was all my punishment to test me to test my faith.
i really pray that, you'll show me the right way. :') because my heart would really need a break from being hurt.
amin.....
does the moral of 'treat someone as how you wanted to be treated' even make any sense? i totally disagree :) cause it doesn't.
it's been almost 3 months where it all started to crash, and it's been 2 months ever since he decided to find something new in his life. at first, it was really hard for me to accept the fact that this is really happening and everyday i fight to smile, fight to stop the pain that is crushing me inside until today eventho he lied, he sins, he broke this precious heart of mine to have someone else's heart, yet this heart still loves and cares him dearly, therefore there goes the word ' love is blind '
And he would never ever be able to debate with me by the fact that ' he never truly loves me ' he doesnt understand that love means to accept one another no matter what, no matter how hard, how difficult still you never ever gave up on one another. because whatever i've encountered with him this 2 years, never had i ever thought of finding someone else. worst is, even after this happened. i still loves him and if i may say, i still do loves him with all my heart. if that was even possible but i still love God as well.
i would try to pray for signs whether are we meant to be or are we not. if signs have shown that we are not meant to be, i will move away. indeeed there's alot of signs, but what is to believe when this heart always tells me that .. your the one...
if we arent meant to be, then perhaps you should make an effort not to meet me as well.
so shall this relationship but to an end, and i shall never want to know a person like you, you shall own no right to even call me by my name. hopefullyy never ever say that i am your 'ex chinese' or whatsoever, consider we were never together and that you never knew me.
you took our two year relationship for granted. tsk*
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Dear God,
indeed You are new to me, i've just started to learn more about You. i pray that You'll help to mend my shattered heart back and keep me strong. i would like to say that MEETING him is such a mistake but i know that You wouldn't say that because this was all under Your Plan. what more words could say, i know that this is all my punishment for sinning against You. i pledge for forgiveness but yet i still sin, therefore i know that this was all my punishment to test me to test my faith.
i really pray that, you'll show me the right way. :') because my heart would really need a break from being hurt.
amin.....
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
when the clock strike twelve,
when the clock strike twelve, it meant 'my day' has just started.
13th November marks a very special day in my life, it was the date that God send me down to earth.
2 years ago, might or might not be a mistake for me, because it only blossoms for 20 months and it sorta died. nonetheless, i wasn't as excited as i was before because the amount of disappointment i experienced had crushed my hope entirely.
So no matter what might my 21st birthday turns out to be. i will still choose to enjoy every last second of it. Because it's really really hopeless, and i couldn't expect anything more to disappoint me all over again.
(to be continued)
13th November marks a very special day in my life, it was the date that God send me down to earth.
2 years ago, might or might not be a mistake for me, because it only blossoms for 20 months and it sorta died. nonetheless, i wasn't as excited as i was before because the amount of disappointment i experienced had crushed my hope entirely.
So no matter what might my 21st birthday turns out to be. i will still choose to enjoy every last second of it. Because it's really really hopeless, and i couldn't expect anything more to disappoint me all over again.
(to be continued)
Saturday, October 26, 2013
this happiness is killing me.
26.10.2013
This Happiness Is Killing Me ;
Might have you know that "Happiness" is something that i felt was missing in my life for a long long time, something that i seek for, something that i was always longing for.
Almost 2 years ago, thank God that i found someone to fill this missing piece in my heart. He then became my happiness, the happiness that i am now holding on tightly no matter how many bruise that i've got along the way.. i am still holding on.. not willing to let go..
the road seems to be very unclear now, there's no exact answer because there wasn't any answer here on earth, words from man is not sufficient enough to be an answer. because our 'faith' and 'destiny' is all written by God, and the best thing i could ever do is pray.
let's say one day .. one day, who knows.. maybe.. maybe.. just maybe..
if that ever happens, that i lost that happiness that i am holding on to.. im sure, it would break me apart. yes, it's easy to say this and that but ... my heart would shattered into million pieces.. i guess, i wont be able to handle myself, i would lose myself..
what i really really hope for is that, hoping that happiness wont let go of me that easily.. recalling all that we've been through, it was never easy but we were perfect for each other. the wonderful love that we had, i wished to continue that journey of love till whenever. some part of me still believes, still believes that he was still the same person i knew when i first met him. his still that kind hearted boy, that lovely boy whose so wonderful to me.. he wouldnt hurt me :)
the best i could ever do, is pray.
diqtasmers.
truly, your wife.
This Happiness Is Killing Me ;
Might have you know that "Happiness" is something that i felt was missing in my life for a long long time, something that i seek for, something that i was always longing for.
Almost 2 years ago, thank God that i found someone to fill this missing piece in my heart. He then became my happiness, the happiness that i am now holding on tightly no matter how many bruise that i've got along the way.. i am still holding on.. not willing to let go..
the road seems to be very unclear now, there's no exact answer because there wasn't any answer here on earth, words from man is not sufficient enough to be an answer. because our 'faith' and 'destiny' is all written by God, and the best thing i could ever do is pray.
let's say one day .. one day, who knows.. maybe.. maybe.. just maybe..
if that ever happens, that i lost that happiness that i am holding on to.. im sure, it would break me apart. yes, it's easy to say this and that but ... my heart would shattered into million pieces.. i guess, i wont be able to handle myself, i would lose myself..
what i really really hope for is that, hoping that happiness wont let go of me that easily.. recalling all that we've been through, it was never easy but we were perfect for each other. the wonderful love that we had, i wished to continue that journey of love till whenever. some part of me still believes, still believes that he was still the same person i knew when i first met him. his still that kind hearted boy, that lovely boy whose so wonderful to me.. he wouldnt hurt me :)
the best i could ever do, is pray.
diqtasmers.
truly, your wife.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Patience is GOLD !
15.10.2013
Patience is GOLD ! is what i learned 2 days ago. i was put to test on the value that i was lacking the most. 'patience' - at the same time, i guess it meant putting your trust onto The Almighty and surrendering it all. Because when things is beyond our control, acknowledge that not everything can go the way we wanted. If it is meant to be, it will eventually. if it's not, then no matter what we do, we can't fight with destiny. :)
i ought to admit, that my heart has recognized and found the real one and only true God. i guess in the end, no matter what i choose or decide - it is still my life and my story to tell whether it's right or wrong, let God be the one to judge.
so far, i've been thankful for what i got and had. eventho i am actually on the path of many obstacles to overcome, but im keeping it as positive as i can and surrendering it all to God as only God knows what's the best for me. Hopefully all will be well - have faith.
Family -
Either had or have i tried to communicate with them or not - thing is .. they're too busy doing their own thing so i guess it's just a period thing since they are going through their teenage life. Mom has been who she always is, she would be around during Sundays just to spend the night since her partner isn't around. Not feeling that she has been showing up in my life at the moment, because she's living one of her own now. Dad has been quite quiet nowadays, his always facing his phone whenever i get to see him or facing the computer. not much topic or things to share at home as it's like each of us are just living our own lives. hmm. what more can i say.
Business -
Starting a business soon. hopefully all will turn out well.
truly yours,
diqtasmers
Patience is GOLD ! is what i learned 2 days ago. i was put to test on the value that i was lacking the most. 'patience' - at the same time, i guess it meant putting your trust onto The Almighty and surrendering it all. Because when things is beyond our control, acknowledge that not everything can go the way we wanted. If it is meant to be, it will eventually. if it's not, then no matter what we do, we can't fight with destiny. :)
i ought to admit, that my heart has recognized and found the real one and only true God. i guess in the end, no matter what i choose or decide - it is still my life and my story to tell whether it's right or wrong, let God be the one to judge.
so far, i've been thankful for what i got and had. eventho i am actually on the path of many obstacles to overcome, but im keeping it as positive as i can and surrendering it all to God as only God knows what's the best for me. Hopefully all will be well - have faith.
Family -
Either had or have i tried to communicate with them or not - thing is .. they're too busy doing their own thing so i guess it's just a period thing since they are going through their teenage life. Mom has been who she always is, she would be around during Sundays just to spend the night since her partner isn't around. Not feeling that she has been showing up in my life at the moment, because she's living one of her own now. Dad has been quite quiet nowadays, his always facing his phone whenever i get to see him or facing the computer. not much topic or things to share at home as it's like each of us are just living our own lives. hmm. what more can i say.
Business -
Starting a business soon. hopefully all will turn out well.
truly yours,
diqtasmers
Friday, October 4, 2013
trust
#chasinghappiness
no doubt that everyone in the world is always searching for happiness in their lives. whatever we do, we are to believe that by doing so - we would be happy.
chasing happiness,
More than 2 months passed, there was no clarity yet. im not sure how long would this last, nor do i know the reason behind each action and words. at this moment, i could only put all my trust in God because that's the best thing anyone can ever do. i've been .. swimming in a pool of pain for this few weeks, and everytime when i touched my heart.. it felt as if a knife is piercing through the same spot over and over again.. how i wished i can get back to the past and reverse some of the things that i did.. that i choose to do.. the decision that i made.. but at the same time, i also believe that ... this was 'meant to be'
things keep happening, whether it is good or bad.. whether i like it or not.. it just keep happening.. we just need to learn to accept the bad and believe the best out of it.
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no doubt that everyone in the world is always searching for happiness in their lives. whatever we do, we are to believe that by doing so - we would be happy.
chasing happiness,
More than 2 months passed, there was no clarity yet. im not sure how long would this last, nor do i know the reason behind each action and words. at this moment, i could only put all my trust in God because that's the best thing anyone can ever do. i've been .. swimming in a pool of pain for this few weeks, and everytime when i touched my heart.. it felt as if a knife is piercing through the same spot over and over again.. how i wished i can get back to the past and reverse some of the things that i did.. that i choose to do.. the decision that i made.. but at the same time, i also believe that ... this was 'meant to be'
things keep happening, whether it is good or bad.. whether i like it or not.. it just keep happening.. we just need to learn to accept the bad and believe the best out of it.
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