; revealing my motive.
- i wanted to know that i matters even just a little to you. i want
to get the answer by the way you treated me, but the coldplay played ; i had myself confused and lost.

great, so whats the next thing to be done.


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i dislike this feeling, and this is the second time where as the same motives brought me to the same place all over again.

' think of a better way to solve this ?'
- i dont know, perhaps i was wrong to expressed what i actually hoped for, now that they stopped most of my wishes.

i should take my heart out and stop falling in love,
but im not :( -'im not in love w him anymore' ain wrong to spend time w a friend right ?

evil
motives-

how are you brother :) - hows life so far.
i missed the times where we talked alot :) -
sorry for all the troubles.

my ambition grew more as i grow, now that i wanted more and i guess, we're just big tigers and no one is willing to take a step back, one day - congratulate us for getting hurt.

im sorry for being moody today- God please brighten up my day again.

love, ruiyee



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a lost kid tonight

; i kept thinking about tomorrow' and it kinda brings my feelings to a worry state.
and being worried, doesnt seems to be any help as i asked myself to find the purpose of being worry.

the feeling of being worried about tomorrow might not be the kind of day i wanted, being worried about the rapid, unexplainable change that i refuse to accept. but why didnt i understand the fact that being worried is not a way, not a cure, not a wise thing.

' i dont wanna miss a thing ' - neither do i. but these words contains insecure-ness that seems to be like squeezing our heart tightly *breathless*

why am i always worried :) - i sound like a kid

but then after asking myself why am i being so worry over things that may/ may not happen which are all beyond my control. - i couldnt find the answer but i realize that being worry and kept reminding myself about the bad possibilities of a particular outcome is so worthless.

but who am i when i dont worry about everydays outcome, who am i if i were a person who just doesnt think about tomorrow. show me how to be a person who stop worrying about things :) -

i guess , everything is meant to be :) - were once meant to be so close, but were also meant to be a little further apart rigt after that. meant to be so close with another part of you but not sure hows the future mend our futures :) i wonders whats the story for tomorrow, the things that was planned to be happen, i wonders why have you planned in such a way, i also wonders why have you show me what i've seen so far, felt so far, hear so far and for so much you have taught and given me, i wonders what you want me to do with everything that youve equiped me from the very start. the life that you planned amazingly for me before i was even borned, i wonders what are they :)

Lord, before the day i was born. You had planned this very moment, this very second is what i always believed :) - that everything is goong according to your plans :) God, im trying to be strong learning to understand your ways upon everything youve put me through and everything you let me felt. the lesson learned, love blessed.

today, tonight- i were to wonder all theses perhaps im just trying to find an answer or trying to give myself an excuses. - i dislike the fact that i want to like someone when i dont even know them, what evil advantage do i have in mind to persuade my mindset to look forward for such events that werent meant to be ? why do i have such thoughts and ambition. perhaps my thoughts had run pass the negative-ness. my apologizes :)

; Give me an answer so i could stop drowning in this mad-ness :)

im just a lost worried kid tonight :) - but God heals and i know i'd be better tomorrow -smiles

love, ruiyee

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where are you, love.

urging for acceptance - screw that mind set ! dont need the world to love you, dont seeek for them but God.

- dude , its been such a long while already. what took you so long ? ' may God let him appear in my life soooon :D and thanks God for my beloved God ma and brothhas :) im more blessed and love - all given by Jesus <3


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86 days of work.

greetings :)

so what you have for me :)

how am i , well im doing fine cause work has beeen great tho its tired-ing but so far so gooood :) everyday well, doesnt seems to be too boring :D
as yesterday brother and i played pool :) scored 3-3. the last shot was shocking :) sweeeeeeet <3

saw simon and alfred hii while we were on our way back :)

its quite quiet today, nothing much to do. atleast i have this phone to spend most of my time with. checking things up and :) well , im thinking of buying a lappy ' shoooot me :) hows mac book sound ? expensive - doubt it :)

seems like the problem that i envolve is ain that easy to be solved. where as for the mean time im still having troble w it :) but lets just be thankful because. God had lighten up a second way out :) so i wont get lost in the dark.

quite sleeeeepu at the moment and no ' cant sleeeep. about faceboook ' well alot if people kept selling their gooods and it sound just like everyone neeeds cashh. well who doesnt :)

nyeeep' i do like that guy but i dont think thing will fall into awesome ness betweeen us. lets just say im happy because his still cool w me :D

" i know this is unappropriate but how old are you ? " is what i got twice yesterdayy :D the old lady even asked me in a scary way like its such a serious case :D -well i just turn 18 few months ago :)

i haven been writing my diary but so far todayy its my 86 days of work :)

wave wave love-
i shall rest now :D

love ruiyee m


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early mowning

ahh.

few mins left till i start a tour.
im hungry la ! *complaining

well, i gained tons of weight and decided to watch my food (: but im thinkingnof having nasi katok later (: is that okay? i mean to eat nasi katokk , but anyhoo im hungry so shaddup :P

sing a song for me * randoms

i think they know who i like :( but does that even matters because i think i like him but im trying not
to. - well, shouldnt matter cause it ain a crime to like someone so i shouldnt hide :)

work is like WAR~ :D
and im afriad to be defeated esp when the opponent keeep saying how they want to claim their victoryyy~ but God bless me , may all that i won or lost is given and that i have no control over
things that had happened :)

love is like 'something squeezing in my heart' -thats not love :D

* inviting you towards the exit in my heart :) shooooo~

love ruiyee :)


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smiles (: ily

smile :D

currently, im sitting blogging w/o taking my shower yet (:

tomorrow is my offday (: like really really offday.
i didnt really have a REAL offday but tomorrow - 'this is it' :D finally <3
not that im suffering and this is a bad job. its awesome (: so awesome that i dont really wanna have an offday but i had to because i dontwanna be a work a holic. oops :$

i realise im so silly (: i just made the fooliest mistake that even a fool knows they shouldnt do that. but i put myself into such situation (: i dont wanna blame myself too much, just assuming a lesson learnt :D
just thank God because whatever the result is, His holding on to me and making sure his babygirl doesnt fall (:

i had a fine day (: a koko that sayang me ( finally ! ) but koko seems to have a big dream and most probably might pursue it. :( means koko wants to leave liaoo. couldnt find another koko like him :D his the only onee ^^.

yipees , im going to CG tomorrow :D
missed them and the fooooood course :D
last few days was a blast as we were having dinner at the rads & the fooood there is awesome to the max (: - thanks for inviting <3

ohh yea , i gained tooo much weight and tomorrow im going to be a good hardworking girl. i had to lose weight and get back to where am suppose to be :D
gym? -sorry, if i dont own a car; i ain going gym (: but i missed the love there :D

whats awesome ? - He is !!

ohh gawd tomorrow is the return, guard it !
dont let the feelings flow~ (:

gotta go && i love all of youuu <3
ruiyee.


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the endd ;

something is going round and round in my mind and its you. i fantasized you as the one whom can filled my heart, therefore i search and search with my heart opened but i return wounded and defeated.

in the end of my search, i realize that your on your own and im on my own. tho we are in the same world but our feelings toward each other is not mutual.

i guess your just the next victim. but then whats my next purpose for where i am now ? because i took it so wrongly and hurt myself. where should i place my heart.

i need to surrender my heart, let God decided where He wants to place my heart at (:

*still searching for a reason, a meaning and a purpose to be ruiyee. *

love ruiyee.


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an awesome dayyy !!

smile

i have a awesome-ly good day todayy (: love it :D
the impossible turned out to be nothing.
the planned event turn out to be approaching three time faster (;

days are smile

i love what i love and i know behind God is behind everything ! Never regret to put your trust in Him (: thanks My Awesime God <3

hehe todayy is was like omg' why im given nothing but right after im given hand full of love. tears' Praise you Lord !!

i know that they've gone far, they figured im not interested and left but i missed them and cant wait to share the His glory (;

God bless all.
everything is a Gift from God

Humbly His
ruiyee


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theres someone in my heart

my heart is calling out for that someone.

im so tired today its like im my battery has run empty but im still squeezing every energy out of it.

i dont know whats wrong with me today but i know my feelings and emotion is not at its best because i like someone and i dont know how should i expressed it. because its always been him who been so nice to me first but the weather has turn cold and i am lost.

today is such a mess, my feeling is such a mess and i need someone right now. work is squeezing everything out of me and i needed a rest 'geez i cant wait my brother to come back and to the rescue. he can mange this better than i do ,

what is this weird thing? why is my mouth so heavy and heart so worried just by wanting you know how i feel , perhaps im just not confident enough and am afraid that you might turn me down.

Lord, i need you now. please rescue me from this misery, i think im going to emotionally faint.


love ruiyee

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smile of the dayy

smile.

i had a lovely dream that shakes up a good start of my day as the dream still appear to be quite as reality. but tho i know dream are still dreams but what do they really mean because vice versa or not. everything should has its reason and meant something.

but i dont think i'd understand my dream unless God reveals the true meaning of it.

it became a highlight because you were part of the dream and i want to figure out the meaning. but (: these event took placed many times and i never get to understand it. perhaps it's the same this time.

hope God would reveal it. (:

------

tomorrow ( finally ) is the day brother is coming back and geez i cant wait to share my days with him like how we used tooo (: have a pleasant flight <3

back to workk !!

Humbly His,
love much from ruiyee


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Second day of a whole new year

Second day of a whole new year, im officially work for 2 full months. Enjoyed the work but whats not that great is the fact that 2 of our beloved collegues had finished thier attachment here. and had to go back to their college. hope they wont forget the promise we all had.

I finally had an iphone 4 ! and its really freaking awesome ! :D i loved every parts of it (;

there's pretty much a lot of application for many different categories but what i really love about is the photography as i am able to change the lens style which seems to be like a real camera itself.

am i being a workaholic? i believe so cause my everyday is always involved about work, i wonders when will the next season arrives. perhaps when the next season comes i might not be working like how i am now. (:

i think i like you, well nyeeep! i do likes you but .. why there's always a but? i .. just pray for the best (:




well this is bro hamzi, our new team !! (: this is his second day of work and yeap his going a great job. nice having you bro!




picture taken on their last day. and we miss them !!

right now, i just cant wait for bro ed to come back from london. quick come back as we're falling w/o youu.


( like someone and im trying to get the itches off my heart )



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