bad bad day`

I really hope that everyone will take good care of themselves.
Grandma came to visit me today, she turned old. Her body is so thin .. just like My other Grandmother who just passed away last year.. i guess, it's because it's been a long time since i visited her. I'm getting quite tired about my aunt upstair.. really really tired. until i couldn't stand but walk barefoot towards her when i see her stopping my grandma's car talking to her. She just couldn't stop caring about my problem.. She truly have some mental problem and .. i just don't know how to handle her well. talking to her seems to be pointless because she don't even know what is she talking about. I felt life became quite meaningless.

today is really a bad bad day for me. everything didn't turn out right` everything went so so wrong and i was unable to  handle my own emotions well` so everything just crashed really bad. i feel like running away, i felt like leaving but at the same time im attached to too many things that gives me the second thoughts.

i hardly recalls how i used to be, i totally forgot why do i react the way i react, how do i truly feeels. the past is somehow, dead to me because i couldn't remember much about my past. But ` it always seems to me that i am a much better person in the PAST` ? i dont even know what it means - maybe because people have been comparing the present me with the past me` i felt so confused that i don't even know how to be myself. because i don't think i know myself` who am i ?

i have one of the most perfect boyfriend ever, but maybe i accidentally turned him into a monster` or a bear (sounds better) it's nice to have found someone like him` being so comfortable with each other, but there's alot of obstacle ... eventho i love him very much :') i don't know what to hope for, but what i want is everlasting..

Perhaps i am lost. :)

Dear Readers,

It's been a long while since i've blogged.
I had never imagined that i would be where i am now.
Tho i always wonders, what is life all about ? :) We work hard, earn money & live our life and eventually everyone dies.

I guess because i worries about what tomorrow may brings :') which is something that i shouldn't be doing.. oh boy, :) One Question - what's the most important thing in my life? what are the principles that i hold on to, my integrity ..

Perhaps my post today clearly shows that i am quite lost. :)

to friends who went oversea to pursue their studies, be safe .. :)

itsruismers,