Money & People

Nights world.


This morning, i was still holding on the thought of 'keep going on' ,'do my best', but life is too reality and dont listen to what Jessie J sings because 'Money' do matters at some point for survivor. Babyboyy is just few months old and i need to buy him petrol every once in a while & not long later, he would demand for new shoes(Tyre) and visit the hospital(servicing) .. As a mother of my child i had to think make sure that i'm well enough to take care of him.  So, back to the same thoughts - if it's not satisfied enough, im leaving on a jet plane.


I'm now stuck in dilemma, both world actually.
But i believe that i made both decision right ;) 
In this situation, i decided to leave because im not well appreciated otherwise i'd be shown already. & moreover, i'll give them options, and if the selection resulted the same then i'm more than sure that i made the right choice.


On the other side, i made this decision because honestly i cant define what's between us as well. And you can only choose to explain your true intention otherwise ignoring it & letting it be will lead you back to square one, you need to start facing your problem and overcome those challenges, or you're life will always always be the Same ;) ( awareness, it's true that's why in the other situation i decided to change or else i'd always be STUCK ! )   - so boy, i's still love to appreciate you for all, unless i understand your true intention you will not hear much from me ;) <3 -Wter


Life is Good, Stop living up at the negative side & start creative more new moments.
Life is short, and i love the night spent with hermanos' because within i see the love & care. Appreciate it, and i pray that you guys are the one to be hermanos de por vida <3  -MW


& i love my bitches - Ad & Dza




Dear Brightness,


First of all, i'd like you thank you ! Before i took off, i'd write letters to everyone. I wanna to thank my Godmother, whom i wont be sure whether would she still take me as one because of what i've decided but i truly admire your love to your childrens. My Mentor, it's been almost a year - well more than already but truly thankyou for the care, i have no idea how did that idea came to you, but for me it's the thoughts that count. So, thankyou for the 18th birthday gift tho it's not fulfilled. BigFish, your trust is wonderful ;) Thank you so much for believing in me so much more than anyone did.  


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much love,
itsruismers

happened.

hello world.

i had a long nap today, went to be about three in the morning and i kept myself home till now, six in the evening now. yesterday was an eventful day where after work, i had a long chat with him and having courage to show it all, tho i cared about him but i was being entirely honest the whole time, not being afriad to be judge. yeaa, the clarity that i got is only half of it. so...

right after, tho i was invited for tea with the best buddies.. i went to the big guy's place instead, good to see brother there but big guy wasnt around. somehow, i knew something ain right when the duck gives me the face. oh boyy, back to square one? but this time i ain rescueing cause i have enough as they should own more clarity on what is happening between themselves and if they intended something better then work it out.

i got gifts from the two bunnies who went to ho chi minh .. happy much.

it was an amazing day because i got alot of loves, i got free tickets to park at the arrivals, i got one free coffee for purchasing two, and this was from the cashier, the police brother wants to buy me kfc for dinner. love is all around, smiles.

and for you, thankyou for your time as i enjoyed every moment with you. thankyou for your care, and all the treats, appreciate it. it's great to know more about you as well, and thankyou for all the little sharings. and do know that you're irreplaceable because there's no one else like you. enjoy your moment wherever you may be and takecare of yourself.

thanks for being such a great hermano. 

winter.

well, right now it seems to be

Life is Fun-Tastic ;)

Life is Fantastic, ;)


Indeed what Clov said is true, and surprisingly im witnessing another awesome moment & i was able to receive immediate support & i truly appreciate their help. & if same event falls on me, i'd do the same - be there <3


" what happened today didnt just happened today, it happened 1,000days ago" ;)

Great Night

Hey Peeps,


Hows your day ? i had one slow day, and most of the time i was either sleeping or on facebook. But overall, it's really a slow day and i can feel the difference. I would like work to be challenging, but not emotionally challenging ayte. :) Dear Universe, dont get me wrong . (haha)


& the sweetest word of the day is - when he stood out in the crowd & said "to my little sister over there" - that's one amazing momento ;) thanks hermano.


I felt way blessed ! ;) because tho im dry but there's so many people taking care of me.
imagine, me carrying a hand full of coins by my colleages & i felt like a little sister ;)
went over to the indian shop, i wanted to buy Milo & chocolate but my coins is not enough, there came the indian friend from beside & told his friend that his paying the rest for me. And i was like 'geez, im such a lucky brat' 


talk about being blessed, i wouldnt share too much here but Many Thanks to Winter Bob as well. Do truly appreciate the moment, & enjoyed the company, conversation. your definitely like a hermano, & be yourself cause i shall have no expectation but just acceptance of your authencity ;)


Had a Great Night @ Clov's place. After my sharing of what had happened - He said this 'what had happened today, didnt just happened today'     - and that was really deep to understand, he then finish the sentences with ' it happened a thousand days ago'
As how i show up is really important because of the positive energy that i've been giving for the past 350 days of working, and i've planted all these seeds in everyone. And if i were to be a grumpy or an upset person and i bet no one would even bothers me. 
(thats how clovis explains it & gaved me more insight and understanding) - really interesting.


and there comes the brother who said the sweetest word of the day ;)
i feel like im a little doggy, as how he talked to me - like how people sayang their dogs/puppy (forget it)


cant wait till nov 17-20th Nov cause i maybe AWAY for these few days.
And Please Dont Forget 13th ;) love calls.


much love & have a Great Night

the world & myself.

Hello People,

I realize that my last two post started with 'hello life' and today instead of life - i 'choose' people instead, perhaps im not thinking much about life now but more to what life has :)

This is how it sounds - ' This is the first time i do this kind of thing, and i'm utterly excited' - said by a 65 year old man.  , ' OhmyyGawddd, that's so deeep' - exclaimed the 65 year old man.          ( i can't believe that's what i extracted out from our little conversation) . :D

So this is about yesterday when i was at the other counter, a 65 year old man - decided to go on a tour to see Brunei and he explains that 'this is the first time i do this kind of thing, and i'm utterly excited' ;) after a long wait, i apologized for taking such a long time and thanked him for waiting. He said it's alright because he have 12 hours of wait in the airport, i then share my thoughts that ' it's not a bad thing to wait so long, as i was sitting there for about an hour - it gives me more time to reflect upon what's going on in my life and what have i been missing out, as well as slowing down my thoughts as i was journal-ing' & he Goes - ''ohhmyygaawddd, that's so deeep' Haha- i was surprised by his reaction LOL :)

and so i got back to the counter and told my colleage that there's a 65 year old guy that said - the first two sentences i mentioned above and i yellow out. he was like ''wtf?'' :D

I used to want the best of 'Both worlds' But now, i want the best of "Four" worlds.

My life has been pretty much involved in many different Groups, and while i was MIA for 2 weeks - they sensed my absence and started to asked what happened. "honestly, i dont even know what happened" - ( because i wasn't asking myself deep enough )

But i did actually try to find out, it took me at least an hour to journal & ask myself + on facebook :D & after figuring most of it, i thought i wanted to have the best of All worlds lol. I shared my thoughts, awareness and my decision with Donald Duck - but her respond does not support my decision, instead of telling me what to do, she explained that im actually 'spreading myself too thin'    , so im like ' what's spreading myself too thin?'

(spreading myself too thin- because i intended to cover all the areas therefore unconsciously i spread myself too thin and it's easier to break' 

But i dont really agree on her perspective tho, because my ego and stuborn ness tells me if i dont do this, i'd end up MIA for the rest of the other worlds and stayed at One/Two.

i understand that, i may lose focus and not being in present other word - not being and enjoying the moment. but i'd like to give it a try, risk it, fall , get myself back up & learn from the lesson.

thanks for the concern,Donna Duck ;)

So Night, - dont want to touch on what really happened. 

the other Part of my Night, i was out with the boys to complete some projects.

And i loved few of the photos Taken, rugged. :)

Mr.Cool - 

candid shot ;)

Layzie -

candid shot ;)

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Not good with ROADS !

they all look the same , and lucky that i got Help otherwise i may need to spend a night at K.Lurah :D

appreciate it. ;)  - hermano

much love.

Birthday in 24 ;)

hello Life ;)


have you heard of 6-8-12 by Brian McKnight ? :)
" i miss you so much & i don't know what to say " - one of the lyrics
this song has been replayed countless time as i was driving - & i do missed him till i don't even know what to say :D


Big Fish went oversea again, and i was glad to see him. I know his busy but he haven made a sound, i'm just glad his recovering and taking good care of himself. As usual, i requested Gift from my God mother, my Mentor as well before they took off to Melbourne. Same goes to Brother Wils & Theo before they went into the plane, and i didnt miss out asking Big Fish for my gift from Bangkok because my birthday is coming soon. But his respond was - he said he didnt even have to give me a gift, and i'll know by then. Quite fishy lols - ;) 


24 more days, tho there's a slight dissapointment because the other option may not be able to be fulfilled. & i do want it to happen. I guess i'm jumbling my thoughts up again so readers have no idea what am i writing about :D mysterious much ? 


last night, i spent some time with zim because he told me that his really down. His sharing does surprised me, because i have no idea that he been through that much. As all along, i find him very attached to me - and i didn't enjoyed it until knowing more about him & his life, i realized that i wanted to care for him as his my 'brother' tho his younger. All in all, i enjoyed the night - thanks for the wonderful sharing & the trust ;)


'we believe in you, we really do' , 'you're the one that i will always believe in because i see what u are' - S


that's few very strong words & i feel good receiving these compliments but at the same time i have no idea what does it truly means, i appreciate when they texted me and asked about how i was.


Life is just awesome :D
i got myself new lens, and yea i spend over 600 bnd in less than a week.
and the reason was - ohh, my birthday is coming so im actually pampering myself. how about that? lols - spoiled brat! controlling :D


Much love

Life Now ;)

Hello Life,


i realize the changes in my life - by the people i interacted with, what i care & what used to bother me and now does not hold the same impact on me. Life has been well, i sent 3 letters just in a month, First letter was for my Mentor , second was for Winter Bob and third was for the 3 Musketeers. I'm truly glad actually that i was able to express more of myself, learning to overcome the fear of allowing other people to know how i truly feels.


I enjoyed the time spent with Mr.Cool ! thanks for just sitting down, listening to my sharing about my story and my life. appreciate it ! ;) & thanks for taking the Bus all the way down to find me, the effort that you put into it tells me that you worth alot ! ;) 
you sure do look like you fancy me, but either way - your just like a 'brother' to me. Definitely a Cool friend to have. :) Great to know youu ! Mr. Cool.


Everything is energy, because i wasn't showing up too well. My team felt my energy & got pissed about it - i wasn't aware on how i show up, due to some unresolved matter that kept bothering my mind. i should have resolved it, i should have shared about it. And lesson learnt was - say what you need to say & do what you need to do before it got 'worst'.


I guess i'm the happiest person ever when november arrives, that's because i have a vision that my working hour will be shorten & i can finally breathe ! :) but don't make assumptions because we never know what's ahead, you'd never know whats been planned. It may not be as how i wanted it to be. Haha, just have faith then.




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November ;


Cant predict the future but i guess my time will be more spent on how to help the boys. So i'm going to spend more time with the boys & this is like 2 years ago all over again.
life @ night - i do enjoy every moment spent with Big Guy & the rest.
So basically life for me - remains 'awesome' . I can't describe how i feel but it's way too awesome now because the universe tickled me as perhaps i've found 'brothers' around me. <3


Life is just Awesome for me. :)




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Aware-ness Journal ;


i realize drowning myself with thoughts & not doing anything about it - doesn't do any good for me. Perhaps it's because i am finding my authentic self, to be true to myself therefore i couldn't put a smile on my face if i simply don't feel good. i think the word is - inner alignment, what i think, what i feel, what i say should match and not feeling this way and express it the other way round.


What i do is i write letters to them, again - writing letter is not an 'old fashion' way, it's just 'another' way. Tho i wrote 3 letters this month but trust me as before i even passed the first written letter to my mentor my hand was shaking with fear - fear of confrontation, knowing the feedback, fear of letting someone in to know how i truly feels. but i did, tho my Mentor's respond was - *bang* i got shot, hours of alignment with him, sounds like we had an argument but i do appreciate him because as i was talking, he taught me how to listen to what i'm saying - and i was able to know more about myself.


Don't fear to be wrong, i learn to be more of myself. Learn to be more courageous & fear not of other's judgement.


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Just as Mr.Cool shared the other day - he said that it seems to him i've been living up to every moment. && truly that's the Word - 'moment' :)




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i just feel well blessed now, the people that surrounds me -
seems like within the crowd, i found what i always wanted ;)



much love.

Winter Bob on wheel back home :')

WINTER BOB !
have a safe drive back to home ;) Gonna Miss you ! :')




- is this like one of the best moment of my life ? :) 
i think i almost Hit a 'Bingo' 


at this very moment of my life , i felt it as if it's one of the best moments.
flashback to Big Brother whom taught me to Love & Care regardless of any blood relation, tho his now far far away from me but his always close to my heart ;) Coming back to present, knowing that there's this bitch also known as my best friend loves me - the Fish who cares about me, and at this moment where i found 3 musketeers who care for me like i'm the little sister. Back in 2009, they made the place like 'heaven on earth' for me - now that they had already passed my life, instead 'heaven found me' ♥


much love!
itsruismers,

when the universe gives you a slap

When the universe gives you a slap in the face, thats when you took silent & start to reflect deeper upon your action. I got few slaps in my life , and times when I just numb up & escape ! - Thats just 'Me' :)
I remember that my life came across this guy, who is such a 'brother' to me. His care & attention really got into me and I just enjoyed being around him to find that feeling of having a 'brother' - and on my 16th birthday, I caught myself crossing the line - so much that I took silent & jailed myself in the room for 2 days straight with no phone calls, no facebook or out of the house. I stuffed myself in the room, doing a 2 day movie marathon. I snapped :D


And today, well last night - I experienced another mini slap from the universe, perhaps it's just a reminder (uncertain) but it caused me to doubt on myself. There's a time where I told myself that 'no' I dont want it anymore - & for me, no one can replace them. It's been almost 2 years now that time brought us apart & I never met them yet or get to know how on earth are they doing. But truly, BigBrother taught me how to love & care for a person tho we don't have any blood relation & he got others to care for me the same :) they made the place like 'heaven on earth' for me, so wonderful but I cant miss them because they have already became a part of my life.

Thankyou for your love ;)

As life goes on, moves on. I've been surrounded by people of different groups & ages - and I've taken them like part of my family, caring & taking things as it's also part of my concern, constantly choosing to help and care as I hope it would be the same for me. I used to stick on to ' treat others as how you want to be treated' ;) but that doesnt work too well because it consists of expectation and resulting dissapointments.

On second thought, I'd still believe that I'd be able to find & make my biggest dream come true , who truly cares & not taking advantage. ;) but all in all, Thank God because wherever I am, im always well surrounded by people showering me w care & love.

Appreciate all the love, embracing all the happenings. Life is good, even @ work they're like my Papa, Mama & brother. (such a child)



Much love.

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life calls! :)

Laugh out loud moments.

Dude, you have no idea what type of roller coaster I've just got myself into. Life is just crazy, the people I cared and love, the relationship that I hold unto, and lesson to be learnt.

Big Fish is coming back today, the whole world knows nothing - it's between himself and me , that something is on the way, im not holding up too much hope. I'm just keeping it cool, and hoping that the next topic wont stress me out. ;) somehow, I'm still having cvo4 in mind, it's next month and it's all about how I show up.
Better get well charged and rock Tuesday ;)

Spending much time @ the rack.
A place to chill out, but Fun Fun cause I get to know more people ;) met few people which I hardly met esp azim, whom show up suprisingly, Cecilia & Terence my old pool buddy (the China times), Bro Ping friends of kaka rifah, Fai as well :)

Where I am now, I know there's a time when it'll pause ;)

Bored much and freezing :D

Comfortable ness is what im looking for, and im glad few moments were found w him cause it's been awhile ;) -'P'

Much love.

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Me me me :)

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