weakness in me

i guess i need to figure somethings out i or i should leave it. after a shocking fact, that had happened recently. i realize that perhaps, i was the one whom started all this. I've grown too egoistic because i started to judge someone when i had no right of. i was pointing at all the faults, all the mistakes of others without taking a peep at the mirror and look at myself. 

i felt that i need to slap myself, to wake myself up. but where does all these come from? really hate that i couldn't control my feelings, especially when i know i shouldn't be feeling that way. but then when i follow these feelings, it just led to more disasters in my life. 

the day that i was looking forward to, would it be the starting point of something bad? i guess, at the same time.. one of the bad thing about myself, is the ability to quickly prejudge things.. using the current situation and picturing it in the future (which had the effect of making the future looks really bad if i'd allowed it to happen now) 

the tools the tools. 

cause totally, i am not 'present' instead, im living in the past & future.