where is the road leading me?

i sorta lost count of time, i wish i could understand why things happen in my life. first, i had to recognize how lucky i actually am to have the people around me, whom were always there to support and was always there when i needed someone. i truly appreciate their presents in my life, and this i will forever remember for what they did and sacrifice for me. i am really blessed that, i am always surround with lovely people.

dear life, kindly do explain to me why would it be that hard to separate?
dear life, kindly do let me know why is this happening to my life.. dear life, please just let me know ... why.. 

cause im lost and confuse by the happenings in my life. as at one point, (many point actually) when i choose to walk .. in the end, i end up at the same place..

Just Another Day`

You said you had your own reason, well .. i believed that reason was selfish enough because it broke my precious heart into million pieces. :') but what more words can say, i do not want to fight, nor do i want to do anything to .. hurt you even tho i know the truth. like you said, "God is fair, when something is not right, soon it will be revealed " and yes, i know what's behind scene and it wasn't pretty at all.

I might choose to not do anything because, it seems that your so 'desperate' till you actually do what you did just in order to achieve your own desire. but i hope you knew that all this while, there wasn't really any of my desire .. i was always trying to achieve the same dream as you dream.. the dream of, living a good life together and helping your family was my dream along side with you. And now, you created another dream with someone else.. :')

again what more words can say, if you believe that you made the right decision then there's nothing more i could do. :) 
again, you said you had your reasons.. 

soon, i'd be away. i would be out of this. 
as you wished, because you should know that.. you cant have both and you even said it yourself.. that if you had her, you wont need me anymore. 

my birthday.

who would have imagined that, the person whom i met two years ago.. and ever since that day, i was always with him when he needed me. most of all, i was always there for him. but on my very special 21st birthday, he could only afford to spare 2 hours of his time for me. :') how saddening but i bet there's more sad story out there.

does the moral of 'treat someone as how you wanted to be treated' even make any sense? i totally disagree :) cause it doesn't.

it's been almost 3 months where it all started to crash, and it's been 2 months ever since he decided to find something new in his life. at first, it was really hard for me to accept the fact that this is really happening and everyday i fight to smile, fight to stop the pain that is crushing me inside until today eventho he lied, he sins, he broke this precious heart of mine to have someone else's heart, yet this heart still loves and cares him dearly, therefore there goes the word ' love is blind ' 

And he would never ever be able to debate with me by the fact that ' he never truly loves me ' he doesnt understand that love means to accept one another no matter what, no matter how hard, how difficult still you never ever gave up on one another. because whatever i've encountered with him this 2 years, never had i ever thought of finding someone else. worst is, even after this happened. i still loves him and if i may say, i still do loves him with all my heart. if that was even possible but i still love God as well. 

i would try to pray for signs whether are we meant to be or are we not. if signs have shown that we are not meant to be, i will move away. indeeed there's alot of signs, but what is to believe when this heart always tells me that .. your the one...

if we arent meant to be, then perhaps you should make an effort not to meet me as well. 
so shall this relationship but to an end, and i shall never want to know a person like you, you shall own no right to even call me by my name. hopefullyy never ever say that i am your 'ex chinese' or whatsoever, consider we were never together and that you never knew me. 

you took our two year relationship for granted. tsk*



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Dear God,

indeed You are new to me, i've just started to learn more about You. i pray that You'll help to mend my shattered heart back and keep me strong. i would like to say that MEETING him is such a mistake but i know that You wouldn't say that because this was all under Your Plan. what more words could say, i know that this is all my punishment for sinning against You. i pledge for forgiveness but yet i still sin, therefore i know that this was all my punishment to test me to test my faith. 

i really pray that, you'll show me the right way. :') because my heart would really need a break from being hurt. 

amin.....

when the clock strike twelve,

when the clock strike twelve, it meant 'my day' has just started. 
13th November marks a very special day in my life, it was the date that God send me down to earth. 

2 years ago, might or might not be a mistake for me, because it only blossoms for 20 months and it sorta died. nonetheless, i wasn't as excited as i was before because the amount of disappointment i experienced had crushed my hope entirely. 

So no matter what might my 21st birthday turns out to be. i will still choose to enjoy every last second of it. Because it's really really hopeless, and i couldn't expect anything more to disappoint me all over again.

(to be continued)