everything has been well. there's alot of up and downs. really dislike how much i my feelings. the fact that i was not able to control how i feel, and allowing them to overule me. the fear that keep pushing my heart, really wished the fear to dissapear - as i wonder if this fear has anything to do with my childhood.
emotionally exhausted.
it's somehow a bad year ever since someone precious left this world. eventho i dont know her too well, but she's always been kind to me. really wished that she never had to go. kinda miss moments when she's around.. sighs*.. moreover, she's a wonderful mom. who always spend time with her childrens, but for me. i couldn't really recall any best moments with my own mother. since she's always away from us. it just felt like she's just a friend. she's not someone i could count on because she have her own problem and she seems be to more unmature in handling her problems. :(
love has been precious. we've been together ard 20months now. so much so much up and downs and im glad we are still coping, and that we are willing to overlook each other's mistake and accept each other. he has been a wonderful boy to me. someone that who i know would never leave me. im sure daddy wouldnt mind him taking care of me cause im pretty sure that he would want me to be happy. as in life, things just never would really turn out as how you always imagined it to be. and you can't control the people in your life to be as how you want them to be. so we have to accept and let go. tho i am having a hard time doing that :D
trust. is not easy. but slowly2 reminding myself to trust each and every moment. and i would say im doing a pretty good job at that. :)
i miss you smile, baby! :) your sincere happy smile can lighten me up. :) hugs*
