Not everything comes easily. :)

Having Deep Thoughts yesterday while i was waiting for my partner :)
A Question came into my mind - 'what brought you here?' and i asked myself, what brought me here and some flashback starts to replay but i shift my thoughts immediately because those are the places that im not willing to look back to. :') All i know is, i'm not totally enjoying my current job - i'm not saying that everything here is bad, Working Office hours? Office hours is almost what everyone is looking for, and we have holidays on every single holiday! it's a Great Job, with a Good pay and im able to travel when im chosen .. not to mentioned that i get to travel for Free + Allowance + Food Expenses. It's Great - My uncle envied that i was able to travel like that.
But this is not really my thing - i love to travel but i'd love to travel with my family,friends and love ones.
and Most of the time when im not travelling, i'd be stuck in this chair facing this computer and finishing up the same thing all over and over again. :) that's so not my thing.


so, im just taking it slow and see how long can this last. But at the same time, i'm looking for resources and till i have enough - will do something that interested me more. :) so God Bless that plan! Unfortunately, i got rejected several times and .. But somehow, asking myself more on what i really wanted in this life - there's another voice that tells me 'dont give up' , 'follow your heart, follow your dream' - and i'd like to hold on to that, and have more Faith .. faith in myself .. faith in Him as well. :)


will share more soon :D
off to facebook*




Thanks for reading,
much love - ruiyee
DiqtaSmers <3

Amazing Myanmar :)

Hello readers,


Just would like to share something interesting that i just learn/heard about.
Have you heard of Myanmar? What's the First thing that came into your mind when you think of this place?
the living standard in Myanmar is quite poor so people wonder hows the airport there would be, maybe Brunei's airport is atleast better than Myanmar's..


check out the size of the airport. :)

 Okay, so other than that i also learn that .. Myanmar people row boats with their legs and it's the only place in the world People row boats with their leg quite fast as well, and Other than that .. they actually have FLOATING farms where they plant vegetables, potatoes and etc..they can even move plots wherever they want due to high/low tides. Which is something really amazing :)

Check out Myanmar's temple on Google and you can see how Grand their temples are covered with Pure Gold. So i've heard that some people earn up to 1-3 bnd per month, due to the money there is smaller and their living standard. But they are very devoted to their religion there, which many Temples are made out of Gold but themselves living in quite shabby houses. :) so check out more on Myanmar :)

ohboyy :)

Just a kid with a Bigger Dream -
Oh Boy :) Atleast i've tried tho it's not everything yet but yea i did Tried like to so many places already. In the end, rejected - what can i say ? :) It's the reputation that i've build and the assumptions of support that i assumed would be there whenever i needed it.
But i guess some or most part of it i was wrong :)


hmm. not to mention much - shall resume, to the end till there's no way baru tah. :)
much love,
ruiyee.

 Good Morning Love. :)
Your love is so wonderful to me.  
i'm so Lucky to have you! 

School is not a place for me. :)

Previously, i have been quite business minded :)
Again as i mentioned that who wouldn't want to be Financial Freedom? and i hearing this two words coming out from my dad's lips ever since i was form 5 ? yeah, that was 3 years ago. 3 years ago, i'm just that lazy person who just loves to hang out with my friends. i don't like studying, not that i hate it .. it's just not something i really like to .. 
back when everyone is trying to eat their biology books and etc, i was just relaxing .. i could say i didn't even really studied for my o levels and my result shows. :)

20th Feb 2012

Hello readers,


Business minded on the Go` but unfortunately my lazy ness is slowing me down. :)
i guess just like many others, i myself would like to find a way where i dont have to work but i know money is coming in. :) who doesn't? So far, this work has a Good pay and the fact that they invested on me to visit Taiwan - just at my second month of work is not something that happens everyday. And next tour would be 'Korea' - i know there's 2 tour leaving at the same day but different island. One of my senior asked about when i started work and etc. Well, she's either complaining about me or she's actually writing a suggestion letter to my Boss (for me to tour lead Korea trip) 


The thoughts of having 2 nights overnight at Seria, KB already worries me. Because there's someone that i dont want to stay too far from. And Korea? well, sounds exciting but my heart would always be just right here. :) reminder before i leave ' ROAMING for my Phone' :)
a Gadget that has wi-fi Please? :) so this time no IPAD because ... it's SOLD.
so, how am i going to go online with you, love? *sort it out later*


Business talk! :D 
so what's great in Korea? might consider buy&sale :)
but anyway why am i talking about this, cause im still not sure whether am i chosen or not.




i dont like the paperworks :)






Love has been , well the usual up and downs. :D
His just a Guy that i dont ever wanted to lose.
. last <3 
thanks for being patient and understanding.

updates

Hello readers,


so .. wait, let me check what's my previous post about. 


back*


so it's about that .. i guess it's getting a lot more better than before. perhaps it's because i haven been thinking about that much, last valentine's eve - we had a tiny gathering at The Arch organized by uncle wai, and alot showed up. It's good to see their faces again after a long while ' being thankul that theyre willing to take the time and attend this gathering. Yea, the most thrilling part for me is when John and his young boy came - he always gives me a lot of energy - but it's Fun, his a really busy guy and seldom shows up so .. :)
and yea, haven seen or heard anything from Brother Jonathan - forgotten to ask John about him. hmm*
too bad Sham wasn't there. Good to see reyne, all the way from KB ! :)

Fear ;)

i found this - do change the wife to husband because this is from me to you. ;)

and yeah, you meant the world to me.

yeah, i guess at the point my impatient ness is also an advantage because can't wait to do this and that and this and that.

---------------------------------------------------------------

im runnning away, running away, running away.

is there any song that can sing how i feel inside right now?

not really. ;) 

i just wanted to check - so i facebooked uncle wai ( my super 10 twin )

whether is he invited to the dinner tonight ? and well, he updated me that nowadays they are moving in smaller group - dinner and sharing. so not everyone is invited. ohboyy, hey i get what you mean but why that invitation made me felt as if im a VICTIM ? yeah, too much fear within already. Next Question is, if i always run away from this .. perhaps - im unconsciously making a decision of not being in this environment already ?

how to i start ? ;)  i have more than one account. another account that have the same respective username as my default account was created around june after my first course, as i was behind the idea of creating secret group for ourselves and it became a trend for them. As because Everyone was amazed by our bond and connection for the 99th Group, as some of us including me have step up alot in organizing events and gathering, bringing in more energy into the environment might have earn their favor in us. 

as i have left the environment for quite a while. Because getting into this environment, we need to start the story from where i first started work at my previous Job. so yes, one of the main reason that im not showing up too much is because i dont feel comfortable seeing my previous boss. I dont have much bad things to tell about them, no they treated me very well - the only thing is the SYSTEM that was created. My Boss may consider himself as the 'system' and assuming that im talking negative things about him. well go ahead, ;) just need to know that, your always remembered. i've shared my fear before .. that i fear if i ever leave that company, i would lose their care and love at the same time. so sorry that i dont even give you a chance to talk to me, tho you mentioned that your love and care would still be there but i guess those words are not valid after what i have done. Fair Enough! ;)

im not ready ;)

not ready to face you guys yet.

so about tonight, im still not sure if i want to join or not.

we are making choices everyday, and yea - im aware that im choosing to escape.

because just like myself, there's too many judgement.

------------------------------------------

hello Sister Yan.

She loves to know hows my work doing :D

work has been fine, really really fine. im just on my own doing my own thing.

but i realize it's either my passion doesn't burn well here or i didnt let myself to be well nurtured. ;)

-------------------------------------

things happens in a relationship.

it's not always easy and many times i just can't afford to harden my heart towards him. ;)

this is for you from my heart ;)

In times of trouble, dont run away. times of difficulties, dont hide. when things got harder, dont act as everything alright. Dont be too harsh on yourself, just be gentle. i will accept you for who you are and what you have, just like you accepting me for who i truly am. Dont worry because those little things wont lessen my love for you. as i always says, it's the moments that counts - as long as we're always always always happy together. so if there's anything Share .. any problem lets find some way to make it right to make this relationship work. ;) aroso ?

lofe you hidayat <3

 

today ?

Lazy bug attack ! ;)

This feeling is not the first time, once in a while this feeling would visit me and just make me feel like a mess. and i guess because it's a holiday season now because the lazy bug is back in town :D  

so many appointment in a day - 5 things to do and i always end up just fulfilling one only. yea, feeling bad that i wasn't there at xavier's open house which he texted me and said ' thanks for not coming to my open house' but yea i met him w his ..... IS 300c lol, he wants to keep it low profile? :D i didnt went to church, cause i wasnt feeling it that much - this feeling tells me that i just want to be in BED. just teranah dirumah saja, :') but yeaa, didnt want to put off another airplane. so i was on time, friend invited me an hour early so i was there standby for that long. :D thanks for the invite jiamin - BBQ + Steamboat. 

as i was driving, alot came to my mind.

my desire to purchase a new gadget, and i tried to ask myself deeper why do i want to ?

and i couldn't find a reason strong enough but to realize i dont know how to appreciate the gadget that i have now ;) sorry nokia - am i wrong if i said, i hope you could be a better gadget.? in a relationship yeaa, that would be wrong but .. in the gadget world. NAH ~ ;) *nonsense*

do you know how exactly i get away from my previous job? yea i was working happily there, with people whom i considered as my family. who cares for me and who see me more than others, but unfortunately i was giving them hint - then they wanted me to be more patient which is not in my dictionary, finally i just left without giving anyone anymore chance to say a word. 

it was 2 months ago when i left. i sent a letter of 24 hour notice - not a month but just 24 hour and just left a place where i was nurture for a year, all the care, love and guidance given were taken for granted? or am i just simply a person who dont know how to appreciate? yeah, perhaps - babyboy (my car) is just an excuse for me to say that they wages i was given ain enough. if i dont have babyboy - would i stay ? 

maybe what big fish said was right, as my choice has show what i prior the most. but i denied it, - as my family pour in more perspective regarding my work . i have agreed with them and did as they advised. not giving my previous company any chance to take any advantage on me and at the same time, im afraid to give them even a moment to talk to me because i know if they were to .. i wouldnt continue to stay...

have my work makes me a happier person ?

i would say , it's totally a different thing from my previous work. i wouldnt enjoy being in the same position if i stayed at my previous company. staying in this company does secure my wages than before, travelling have been one of my dream but now it will be a bit different if someone special is missing :)

no, im not a happier person .. because there are things unsettled. and fear is overcoming me, tho it seems that slowly slowly the universe is trying to get me to face this Fear.

love?

loving a person and keeping it constant is not easy, especially letting go of your own ego, be more understanding ;) what i realize is that when you fall in love a person, you dont really know them until time passed by and you realize that they are just like every other people, just like you and me - imperfect. And from there - learning to love a person's imperfectness , as no matter what situation bad or good - learning to accept them as who they are, and still love them the same. no less but more. ;)

loving you- hidayat kms.

too many thoughts to share,

now back to pemalas mode. :D

just blog how i feel. - about KK

Finally im blogging again :D


sounds so depressing but how can i explain my situation ? how i truly felt ? have i forgotten how to be more authentic already ? i was back in the environment yesterday, it was something suggested by myself with no intention of attending it. *great right* i know ;)
but got busted. :D so Big Guy texted and .. i was there tho i was quite busy w my brothers and on the other side, mom was nagging me to go home ;D it was Jared's birthday - cant blame her cause she told me earlier that she'd be there by 7:30pm and it's already 8pm when i drop by to meet up the group. 


zumba later on. ;) 
sweetypie wants to Join, - that's sweeet baby. ,3 cant wait to see her.
it's Zumba w Big Guy ( brother M ) , yeah' i need to burn some calories. :D
ENERGY PLEASE.


it's been quite a while since i've been out w my friends ;) the so called - hanging out.
used to be with CV-ians alot. the Best Buddy gang who would always invite this little kid around and come to think of it, i guess no one judge me but myself. ;) used to hangout at the rack alot. :D but now ' so seldom - actually is never since last dec? Zun is back now, and we're having some time out tomorrow afternooon. Glad Shan is willing to join us for Tea ;)
after that, might should ' well actually i SHOULD join them to celebrate mama angkat's birthday. Afterall, they invited (remembered) me. so dont be too .. 
Sunday, another Open House that i was invited to. so sorry to Xavier Lee that i didnt attend his open house ;D *so bad ah me* - guess next time i need to show up more.


so much in my mind that im so lazy to think of too many things. ;)
something is not right between myself and my brother kyz. something is just not right anymore - maybe too much things unsaid ? i don't know what should be said/done anymore. letting it be ? ohboyy. what can i say? sometimes, i'm afraid to say anything because when he said something ' it's just too HURTFUL to myself. so better just be quiet and let him be and do what he wants to do. just a very simple hello and byebye would be okay for me as long as dont say those hurtful words. you meant that much to me, but it was so easy for you to say those hurtful words. i did alot to show my care, but it was not enough for you. wanted you to do the right thing in life, wanted you to work but maybe i was wrong also because who can tell someone what to do in life. maybe you will be success in what you are doing now, i guess i could only wish you all the best. but yea, the thoughts of thinking you dont need me, not even need my wish to you does hurts me ;)


huff* i've cared for you like my true brother. before anything aku malar utamakan kamu daripada yang lain. mostly what i did dulu time lepak w you guys are mostly because of you. kerna aku sayangkan kamu, as i always say aku anggap kamu sebagai my brother. kamu paham jua, yang penting kyz pandai pikir* is what i always say. but things now makin different sudah .. we seldom spend time together, always w you because you want to lepak w others saja. i dont know about life, ;) we used to be so far but our heart always close - now we are so close but then our heart become so far. so which is better? i dont want this relationship menjadi macam ini.. but what can i do when it's already happen. 


maybe im not good enough for you, .. so yeah, you said you'd stop hoping from me. does that mean you will also stop caring for me? if yes then it shows clearly that since ive nothing to give, you dont bother anymore. ;) i really hope that in your heart you wont think bad things because that would hurt me more. i rather choose to know nothing about what you think like you always tweet in twitter, but the bad thing about me is i wil go and see it. it's just so hurt, ;) because i saw the way your heart is that you think of me before when we have a bit argue. but do you know why more than 2 years ago, your a person who i would care and keep in contact? because i always always read your blog and saw your heart. you have a Good heart, and that what i like most about you. im just not sure what's happening now. :')


.........................................................................................................


in love w you hidayat :')
it's like 10 more days till our 2nd monthsary ;)
ohlalala ~