escape

maybe what matters, matters nothing at all . Its about what you value most, what has uphold a unique position deep down in your heart . Its just like a setting we set , or has been set . how we respond and reacts is just by who they are, what is it , when was it .. and by questioning who, what, when and so on , the answer is just by the daily happenings , your nature , perspective and ...

can we not feel what has already been felt , or can we not see what has already been saw , and to what already been heard . can feelings be paused , can we just erase what we see , heard , felt ?

handling feelings ,

maybe i should attend some sort of course for this . ;0 i definitely desire for an escape now . desire to left the care under my foot and set myself flying freedomly like a bird.

Maybe i should think , - maybe what matters, matters nothing at all. and what has been experince shouldnt had affect my emotions as well.


....

Last night was a blast. Madam Queen Goddess bday. @ escapade. Praise God and thanks to all.

Love,ruiyee

hermana

new chap ( BIG question mark )

i just came back from tea w some old classmates . Tonight , a night that was said but then wind came w a news . Today is just not the day , rather being upset , I honestly am lost about what to feel , what words to be said , what reaction to respond .

I saw a loving sister just now , she was such a dear to her brother . A sudden note came to remind me how i miss having a sister tho its not biologically but inside there was an assurance , a confident 'yes' .
I return home trying to search for a sister in my mind but loading failed . Tho there was a picture founded, but it shows 'error' - guess im uncertain about her ever since .

Changes , tell me how should i treat you ? I know your never easy to accept , but you were never too hard as well . Just show me the way so i know how to not get hurt .

Im just a sick kid who just wanted both hermano and hermana. I lost hermano , but hermana was there . now hermana , show me your next move. and i'll make mine .

we never knew exactly how blessed we are until we lost it . (: we never learn how to cherish and appreciate if we do not fear the sense of losing something . I fear , i do fear . There's always a tomorrow to make things right again . I hope my doubts were just me overthinking . Lets just see hows tmr , i pray that broken may be heal , pain may be heal , smile may be mend , laughter may be rejointed, love may grow . I need strength for tmr , so God please do re new my strength for tmr ! Thanks .

Love, ruiyee

Approaching November !

"Alright" i'm back blogging again, actually felt great saying this. :)

I didnt catch too much opportunity to online, tho i'm considering to get my own broadband unlimited which requires a fixed job first. :) so yeaa. ohh, i had a soft interview last week (friday) it sounds like I got a JOB. PTL ! :) thanks to all the Brothers and Sisters' prayer. Getting a Job doesnt mean more free time to online, i might be busy working and didnt even have my own time to rest, or surf the net. sobbing*

There something undone, and i couldn't just simple call a TIME OUT for this because it involved too much people inside. I need more time management and build up their team work. I should start brainstorming as soon as i finish my exam on Thursday.  i apologize and hope they forgive me. :( for my clumsiness and turtle-ness.

Days has been fine, tho im still sick.. well blame myself for not cherishing my body. i stood up on the measuring scale this morning and the measuring needle pointed 59KG !! :) wow, why am i not surprise ? Getting yourself up in the morning, fit your feets into those colourful socks and rush a bite of bread and start running around your house compound everyday as the clock strikes 5am SHARP ! what discipline to embrace ! I hope i could DO IT ! :)

Badminton tomorrow, it's actually very sweet of my brothers and sisters who always pick me from Home. :) cant wait for badminton tomorrow, cant wait to sweat actually and cant wait to be healthy again. that includes some weight lose as well. :D cant wait to meet those sweaty smiles.

Sis is still somewhere in Taiwan, it's so awesome-ly awesome that she called last night. :D missed her voice !! she called me few minutes and i called her back few minutes ! :D

KARAOKE !!
"it's just 3 months, not 4 years !" says HIM. -.-' whaaaat.  Fine then, having my own singing moments. well, i got it. hehe. had lunch at Aneka Rasa, and HOHOHO tho im sick but i sang ! :)
awww, look like the others enjoy themselves well. :) i'll just say.. it's FUN FUN FUN FUN !
they sang ;3

Yes, Abang Isam ! :) we' certainly am going to miss everyone once when we finished the course. :D
they small time we had together are always the most precious thing. remember my last trip to Beijing w the HK groups. miss em loads.


WORK WORK WORK WORK !


toodles love.
got to go, hope my cough will be blown away by the wind.
i cough badly in the middle of the class just now  and .... :(


Godbless All ! :)
love,ruiyee

The most unexpected October.

Had the most unexpected Day ever. :) month OCT you definitely gives me a good impression about yourself. :) Yesterday, i met a guy at a place i never expected we'd bumped into each other. Brother simply made my day interesting by embarrassing ourselves and we'd made a Fool publicly. Out of nowhere, Dad just asked me to attend a course which his friend couldn't continue.. So noon, i was there to replace him and ... most of the people were wondering where's the Man ? transformed into a Girl. -,-

it was indeed an eventful day, (: thank God.
I received tons of smiles from people i yet not know, and knew few people whichever places i reached. Nice ~ ! :) Thank God for such an eventful day and those smile i received.

Pray that sister whose at taiwan will have a great trip there and prevent them from every harm please. :)
HOHOHO ~ remind ! text uncle for badbadbad later. :) can't be expecting too much today, but i'd definitely pray for a Great day, for everyone as well.

To all ! have a Blessed Day.

i didnt express my dissapointment towards my brother whom i know has been going through alot of problems lately. I tried as much as i could to show him care and love but unexpected news came, as he told me himself what his been doing to release his stress. I was really ... out of word. I'd just hope that he'll realize, Problems needs to be overcome, trials to persevere . Don't escape from any problems or do anything to cool down yourself. whenever things aren't going well, it's always about strengthen yourself and overcome them all. There's always a hidden knowledge within all the difficulties we're going through.. we'd grow more mature and ... (etc)
Hope he'll realize it sooooon ! Bro K.

Again, always :) cherish what you have around you before they turn to memories that you could only LOOK back on. :) <3 - S

Praise God !
love,ruiyee.

normal day w normal routine

well , i spend my day watching gossip girl and chuck . His still as attractive as ever . (:

if i were to countdown, that would be around (math error) days .

Its bad that i have special attention to what you like . Eliminate ! I shouldnt i shouldnt. Great ! Now that i have a feeling of hopeless-ness and lost sorta way .. I need to start praying hard .

He heals , whirspering ..

I met both shanice and danny last nyte , its nice to keep in touch again. (:

need new ground rule , toodles ..

15th October 2010 - Scramble EGG DAY !! :( me no likey.

Tho everyday is a blessing and we should make use of it to the full. I guess, i just don't know where to start .. at HOME.. Today isn't an exception as i spend Most of my times in Bed , it's either sleeping or watching tv. That's it for my days, well... except for the night when i get to have some activities with my sister there. Unfortunately, she's having/taking/ going on a vacation on Sunday.. so for the next 12 days she won't be around .. 

The unfortunate things are, i might not be able to get a Job as soon as i thought. but there's no reason to rush right ? so might as well just wait for the right time to do the right thing. ever heard of "there's a time for everything" ? (:

Ohh, i remember last night.. i had the most stressful night Ever ! ( not true ) -just to stir it up a little .. well, last night i was fighting myself to sleep again. rolling my self from right to left i finally got myself to read the book that Sis lend me, which i really felt like puking after reading half of it because that person makes no sense at all. -.-" i tend to use the word "puke" what it really means was it's really getting into my nerves and i cant take it. after reading half of the book entitled "the key to men's heart" i decided that, that BOOK is useless for me, or any other women. (sound pretty harsh) anyway, i read God's word after that which took me straight to bed. :)

( what really bothers me last night was ........ )

Dad's HOME ! from johor & Singapore. well, he returned with some gift.. guess what he bought for US. pencil Box, Great so now i have a pencil box which obviously is no use for me. it's the thought that count.

I'm still a Jobless monkey, someone whose still lost in her own dream. I dont know exactly what should i do, but His always leading me to somewhere so i should try not to worry that much. 

"I was so into him, but His so into her, but she's so much into that other Him.. " - What Up !

I think something is wrong with my eyes, maybe im finally going to wear SPEC. not pretty. hmmm` things i see gets blur sometimes and i get headache because of it. :( do i have eye problem ? constant watching tv and online perhaps. yikes.

I really am looking forward for a very first vacation which i could go with friends. I never ever ever go oversea with friends, so i had alot of hope for March. but turns out, things went reallly bad. I dont know how exactly should i respond about this, but i think i'm just too tired to even want to feedback a respond sometimes. i just found out that flight on MARCH is FULL. :( 

"what you miss, just wasn't meant for you" -slap on my face. ;/

well, just pray that those whose going would have their own fun there.. ( still can't believe i missed out on this one, whatever it is that opportunity that i didnt grab earlier )

and also i still cant believe what i felt last Night, seriously !! what's that? -.-"

A big Slap on my face and forget it.. May this be a lesson, experience that i wont ever ever had to repeat again cause it ain PRETTY. i should take more personality knowledge install in this tiny brain i had inside me. 

Glad that awesome sis and i are still keeping in touch, and that i just chatted with fyzan felt great, the others were like kinda lost in contact like for example kyz, pesal, and the rest. just hope they're fine out there. 

Toodles,

love, ruiyee !!!

Fooooool :(

I'm such a Fool. :/ tho its another lesson learn, but somehow i felt embarrassed ! 

one word 'weeirrrddd'

Great ! Just Great ( referring to another sleepless night )
i've lost count of how many times i stayed awake within this month , and today is not an exception.

what should be on my mind , i struggled . am i worrying about things i dont even had to ?

either the coffee had me stayed wide awake or the prob which has been wondering in my mind for the past 4 hours and continue .

Problems ey , they're hard to deal with .

If that prob i assumed really existed between us , i would say .. Its totally not worth it, i cherish what we had more than most of what i own. you know how i wouldnt confess my feelings toward that guy, but if its for this relationship sake .. I will confess right on spot , 'out loud' if request.

nahh, thats just an idea of how much i didnt want to jeopardize whatever we had.

Seasons, pass.

waiting patiently for the next chap.

Love, ruiyee.

Moooooooooody ? :/

Days has been fine, but what's bothering me at such moment ? What's my emotion and feelings trying to tell me by trashing my mood away ? Smiles weren't to be found much today and i wonder where they went for vacation.. i was fine last night, being all overjoy, overwhelmed and stuff .. but today it seems like i forgot how to smile, something must have gone wrong i doubt.

I tried to take my mind off for a while, so i can install my mind with other things to care ..

.....

knock on the head**

i found out what makes me so moody todayy . 

Ans : i didnt had enough rest :) cause after i had 100 Plus. fizzzyyy <3

i extra 25% AWAKE :)

Phewwwwwww ! ~~ *

Sweats :)

Today, i met Syasa :) it was so coincidence. :) Thank God actually cause i told Him that it's been months that i haven meet them. And today, He perform a wonderful thing again. :) Praise be to Him. I'm currently at yanshiang's place, picking up Jones later. :D

Smiles :)

The Changes In Me ,

I'm a sinner, and i was reborn ;) by His Grace.



Today, we planned to go hiking together. i missed twice, and this was my very first time hiking with Sister Yanshiang, Sally and Bro Jones. while waiting for Sally to arrive, Bro Jones and i start off with badminton warm up. it was his second time playing and he surprise me, someone who never played badminton can play that well. volleyballing hurts me bad. ;D


Hiking was fun, but i was as slow as a turtle. Thanks for lovely sis, whom went all the way down just to buy me some snacks. ;D if it wasnt for her, i think i would had faint because i only had dinner and i was so hungry when we reach shahbandar. ;D



I'm suchh a turtle ! ;S i need to work out, keeep fit , hike moree ! because i do desires to join the KK trip on March . pray pray pray ;)


we had dinner together, overall.. it was a great night. i know i had a great night. ;)





the worries that tries to rule my world, dont think Pops would allow that to happen. Because i got my guardian angel right by my side, He'll take care of me well. ;)


 The Changes In Me

As i waited, for sister's arrival. i sat at our back door, enjoying as the cool wind blow against me. i sat , and started to pray . i Thanked Him for this wonderful life He'd given me, and this wonderful day he had bless upon every one of us.


I then recalled years ago, i was sitting at the exact same position crying over the life i had. Asking, wondering, Blaming over everything that i faced. I asked God for an explaination and i told Him how i really hoped that He could just take the days away from me, destroy this place was what i asked for.


But years later, today , i sat at the exact same place with a gratitude heart and thank Him for loving me and every single thing that He done for me. He changed me, His my everything.


Life now is really awesome, altho i faced many worries, problems, tears and etc. But His always there holding on to me and overcome everything with Me. His God, what you think he couldn't do. He can do anything , everything ;)


__________________________________________________________________________


The troubles that cause me to lose my smile, i'll just close my eyes and carry my heart gently, waiting patiently with lots of faith. i know it's going to be alright. I'd kiss the sky everytime when he helped me overcome a mountain. His the MAN ! ;)



I'm so in love w you ~ !



Thanks for a great day, Sister Yanshiang, Sally & Brother Jones.

Esp Sis YS ! ;) Thankyou <3


Love,ruiyee

worried

Why do i feel broken-ed , the smile i used to have on my face. i know that smile, i feel it because it just came out of me whenever my heart glows, but that smiles seems to be overtaken by a worried facial expression.


i'll always be the little child who needs her Father.




Thanks sister yanshiang and brother Jones for your prayers. :)

Just a dream

When the place where all your memories are stored is falling apart, should we be sad and be broken-ed ? Or should we be happy because we once had such wonderful memories together ? Should we stay strong and give it a last big goodbye kiss and hug ? or should we cry over the wonderful memories that we no longer can continue?

I dreamt of my brother and sister last night, i saw him in his blue sleeveless shirt, i was hesitating but i dared myself to smile and greeted him warmly. i saw her, in black long sleeves .. we were having fun together like we used to and brother was around, other people was there as well.

*are these the picture i wanted to have in reality? *

i wanted to return, touch the place for the very last time before it's closed down. going back, the smiles, the talk, the laughter. 

im so messed up ! 

i feel like im sinking in the ocean for quite sometime now, waiting patiently for a oxygen tank to fall by my side so i can take another breath again. or waiting patiently for a hand to pull me up. 

" maybe i'm just dreaming because i wanted it to be that way, and maybeeee.. it's just a dream for me now "

love,ruiyee

unexpected tuesday

Today wasn't pretty-licious much. Maybe because the day was dull and everything felt pretty much empty. Mom called with a news that i hope i didn't knew, and now i'm lost about what should i do to make this right again. Should i thicken my face and try to at least strive for it? Or should i just ignore and let it be , not even trying everything ? well, i need to Pray about it.

I was expecting today, i did ..

And so, as the time passed by .. when it's almost there, nature tells me that it ain going to happen today . I was yet calm to think that " Maybe it wasn't meant to be .. " i shouldn't be either upset or dissapointed because there's nothing i could do to force a difference.

My heart felt shaky and i felt as if i'm going to be a baby tonight seeking for His arm. i want to be under His love, because it's Peace there. (; Only He can make me feel better. (: 

I sense something is not right, i think my sis is somehow troubled. i hope she's doing alright and dont take it too hard. let it go, and let the peace comes in. (; 

"it's like a wall that i couldn't break through."

problems

Hey readers,

A very sunny day today, brother and i went to coffee zone. It was his first time there, :) i ordered a Hot Chocolate, but he didnt enjoy the drink. Sister Yanshiang visited me just now, and it's very sweet of her to do so. Lucky i heard her call, or else we wouldnt had meet today. we talked about some things and this and that. Sometime i felt as if i'm out of words like i dont even know what should i talked about, and there are times when i get so hyper i can talk without taking a second to breath. who am i really, ..

I contact some people, to ask about the registration and i thank God that someone is willing to help. His willing to check through my work before i submitted it. Thanks ! :) it's a relief. 

I was having trouble with fear last few days. but God helped me overcome, we can never escape the life of many challenges and problems. When problems approach, what kind of attitude we used to welcome it? Some choose to give up, they thought they couldn't get through it. But some believes that, everything happens for a reason and decide to take the pain.

I guess everyone knows that, No pain no Gain. if we don't have all these problems and challenges in life, we'll never grow. So, im thinking at this very moment.. maybe this very moment is also what has been planned, it was planned that today i would sit here in Jolibee blogging and doing some other things.  Do you believe that everything happens for a reason ? Do you believe that even by you sitting there right now was meant to be?

Our life, it's been perfectly planned. My past, regard the bad and the goood ... everything was meant to be and if my past didnt happened that way, i wouldnt be sitting here. or even met the new smiles of life - The wonderful brother and sister in Christ. 

well, not only that... Life hasn't stop, and it's also said that life's definitely not a destination so where i am now is just part of my journey... part of my life.

who knows what's my next journey would bring me and what new smiles will i met in my life. so, i guess even today or tomorrow ... when bad times, challenge visits us .. maybe we should take it in a good way and settle them with the right attitude. so, does that mean i dont have to worry about tomorrow just live today to my fullest ?  ... "still thinking about that part"

im still wondering about my life, what kind of life God has given me. (;

actually after few days, a very special friend of mine is having his birthday. i planned for his birthday few months or even last year. i did, and really wanted to celebrate his birthday for him. But it's just so sad that i dont think i could do it for him. because my nights very almost fully booked. i felt so bad, and upset .. sighs*

This year has been great, not only i get to know more friends.. i think it's really a blessed year . i hope and pray that 2011 will be better. :)

" Love till it hurts so it'll hurts no more"