why am i beating myself up so bad, over something i did unintentionally? i guess i do want to do it because the others are doing it. so, why cant i just .. why can't i just follow my heart? here, it's all about how i show up and i know that well, but im just so afraid of making one little mistake, cause i didnt want it to affect my evaluation. i know there's no more rescue-ing because mentor has been very busy and he started to show up less for me. it's the best and it's the least they can do, to make sure i'm growing well. but talk about growing, i'm the little kid that needs to be discipline because i don't really have one.
what can that leads a child to ? recently i lost that awesome light within me, it's not lost, it's still there, just that something is covering it up and i don't know what is it. and i need to find it, finding more of myself because that Light is me, not this darkness that's trying to overrule me, so what can i do to go up to the next level. is finishing up my paperwork is good enough? i threw in all my trust, faith and future in this place, and i'm now going through a tough journey of growing up.
I'm searching for that light. finding the super 10 within me now, come to think of it again back in months ago, what has been so awesome that made me pump up each and everyday but now doesnt? what's gone missing, or what happened to me?
why do i fear? who shoot me down ? because i lost myself, and is this because of the environment? why do i fear to be myself and live love life ? where does this energy come from.
need to reflect (:
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