first post for years.

There's so many things to share, time flies and it been years since i last checked my blog. what triggers me to get back here and share a post was after reading my in-law's wordpress ( yes im married ) and it caught my interest to share my thoughts - something that i could read back on when i grow older and to understand myself more.

little smers happened, i am married for atleast coming 3 years i guess. ( lost track of time ) well i guess this is the problem if i dont keep my blog updated. i'd love to share little smer's picture but you can always see them on my instagram. i upload her pictures almost everyday.

today, apart from being over weight, unhealthy, looking dis-shaped. i am currently working with my aunt, well its more like learning about her business and get paid. still running big debts which i hope i could settle it all by this year, managing 3 shops, few businesses. i still envy those who dont have much work yet enjoy life to their fullest because their parents happened to be more well off. so un like them, im working my ass off towards the idea of reaching financial freedom.

Clocking keeps ticking.

15th March 2015.

Where should i began? Life has already made an unexpected turn, by end of August .. i would be a totally different person with someone entering my life. I'm glad to live life, so far I'm a happy bunny. indeed many complicated things had happened with the other part of my family, as much i loved and cared about them .. i just don't feel as appreciated as it is. They are better off without me (us) , its just more natural to not get too involve in their problems because they are able to go through them themselves. 

Right now, i partly own a store at the Mall. running business is what i do for a living now, so far business has been good tho it does have its up and downs but i just ought to overcome those obstacles . financial freedom is what i .. hope to have. really can't wait, so depending .. trusting .. patience is what i need to implant.

Both Joel and Jefflego are in Form 3, and the little one is in Form 1. they grow a lot from 3 little rascal to 3 teenagers that i seldom communicate with because they are always stuck with their online games. we don't have a maid now so Joel is the one doing most of the housework while the rest of us acted as Kings and Queen.

Its been a while

Dear Readers,

Its been a while, i hope everything has been well for you.
right now, life is a smooth sailing boat as i am pleased with how things turn out to be.
really blessed with the ability to earn this much money at the age of 22. i wish that, i would be able to earn more and to enjoy more of this life has to offer. 22 is a big number and it won't stop so i really want to enjoy, experience and explore most of it before all my hair turn white, and wrinkles start to show. 

3 more days, and imma be at bangkok. i was at indonesia last month and a month later, I'm at bangkok ! no matter how success i would be, I'm still really broken heart inside that many things can be fixed with money. the lost childhood my brothers and i experienced, i really hope their relationship will recover. nothing is perfect, no matter how good something look, something is definitely broken somewhere..

Business in Brunei

Dear readers,


This would be my 405 blog post since 2010. never had i imagined that i could keep blogging till 2014 ! tho I'm not a recent blogger, but I'm glad that I'm able to blog again today.

The reason that i wanna blog today, is because I'm feeling 'awesome' - :D
ignore what i said earlier. So, if you had no idea what's happening in my life - here's a simple introduction of what happened.

someone had official became my life partner. other than that, i am the founder of a trending product in my country. it was a HIT when it first started but someone just had to be jealous and duplicate my works and do the exact same sh*t, to attract people of course they had to jack a lower price - some people recognized who started first and supported all the way. but that wasn't the point, let just finish off by saying more than 10,000 rolls sold as of today and no, i don't keep track but its all around Brunei. 

I'm pretty proud of the team i had to help me out, here i would like to show my appreciation as i would have never be able to get this far without their love and support. That's how business nowadays are, when other sellers see that many customer likes a certain product sold by a seller, they would find the source and get it themselves and jack the price lower. YES ! rezeki masing2 but it's not a healthy way because your just copying people's idea and more people selling it and causing some seller to unable to generate enough profit to raise their family so to say. 

Another new product is on their way, i spent a fortune on them and hope they sale. :D
but ya, long story short - i met hisyam (old classmate from CHMS) and we became business partners (not official) cause his currently helping me out and as if everything goes well, who knows 3 years later i might give him part of the shares from the company. other than hisyam, there's taufiq whose helping me out. So, i was hoping the new business ideas that I'm having would sale and generate more income !

If everything works well, im really thinking to re-orgazined a NPO to help unfortunate families. 


Oh, Life ~ that's all i can say for today !

thanks for reading.

Sincerely,
rui

thru thick and thin.

Opportunity is everywhere, There's no such things as potential people because those potential ones tends to leave early. This feeling is not new to me, i was disappointed not because of you, but because of myself for trusting you.


something is coming up by end of June. Tho I'm not sure how this would last, but I win giving up. this is life, and these are just test along the way to success !
Success doesn't come in a short way, it comes in a long way.

Those who gone thru the thick and thin with you are those who are worth keeping.
that's all i can say.

missing my old life

As much as i misses my old life, i still have to strive for reality.
When i look at the path of my life, i realized that .. i have been making decision on my own, being rebellious and only decides on what i believe is right.

do anyone believes in meant to be? to be honest, i am lost in this world again. lost in confusion of what is right and wrong, i no longer hold on to any grip as I'm just a person swaying with the flow. i don't know what is going to happen on the other world, but it would take me to the end of my life to actually see whats the truth. As for this moment, nothing make sense to me.. 

having much thoughts about would i be a successful entrepreneur ? 
my dad was unsuccessful and i wouldn't want to be like him. i want to have an ongoing success that i won't go bankrupt like my father.. 

but being in the business world, it's actually a cruel world. 
they don't give you space even your young, they fear so they do bad stuff. *smirks*

tired. 

as of today

As of today,

I wouldn't consider that my business is fully developed. we only started for a few months, and after we introduce this new product, more people started to follow our footstep, some have tried exactly what we did and trying to go higher than us. some even bring in higher quality, internationally recognized products and so much more.

its been a very challenging period because over 2 year of my business experience, never have i overcome such dramatic ones, not only having a fairly well known online seller trying to duplicate my works, and after sponsoring one of the social media and had an unsatisfying review, which i am utterly disappointed with his unprofessional action, because as a social media promoter that is not what a advertiser would do, because you leave your honest review upon things you weren't sponsored, otherwise reject that sponsorship deal.

and as of today, having a 40 year old lady stepping on my tail had cause me to be very uncomfortable upon her action because we both knew each other eventho we weren't close, but she should show some respect as i have for her. she should find someone her own age, and not a 21 year old lad.

overall, their behavior and action teaches me a lot, about people who are jealous and definitely people are INCAPABLE of thinking out of the box, so they either "DUPLICATE, BADMOUTH or DO BAD THINGS, just to bring you down. much childish can i say, because definitely I'm at least 10-20 years younger than them. to think about it, it should be quite embarrassing because they are trying to ruin a 21 year old business, i guess they have issue of their own.. Get a Life people ! :)

and leave me alone.

to create a better and greater society, we lift one another UP and not bring one another DOWN.
people like you guys are a bad example and influence to the society. hmmmm...

utterly disappointed.

the 12 days!

it was a mess because it was not well planned. i figured that everything would be just on the table when we arrived but it was not as how i imagined. when we first arrived, first day was like 'where should we go' we didnt even know where to look. it was that bad. 

i had food poison on the plane, so i was not feeling very well when we first arrive hongkong. it took me around 3 days to fully recover myself, thank God i wasnt too sick, as i am still able to travel. the cost of the hotel is killing me 😅 . food was quite hard to find as well, cause we could only eat halal food. so we had kfc and mcD for 4-5 days straight. 

we normally returned to the hotel during late night. we shopped alot, and its quite expensive here in hongkong. it was more cheaper in shenzhen but you need a good bargaining skill otherwise you will be marked up atleast 80% higher. we took the bullet train to Dongguan and Guangzhou to visit some factory shops. so its quite amusing as we were meeting big boss from the factory owner as if we were having a big company of our own, they even insisted to buy us lunch. 

back in hongkong, we live in a hostel. around 60+ per night for a family room. hardly imagined that area was conquered by indians 😅 around nathan road. mongkok is a good shopping area, do bargain as much as possible there. cause they know your a tourist so they sorta marked up higher price when you asked about the price.  

so much for a 12 days trip. much money was spent and now back home and start filling up my bank account till the next trip to bangkok and vietnam ☺️. 

truly yours,

diqtasmers

the story of my life.

have been blogging since 2010, it's nice to have place that records the story of my life, the thoughts i had, what i've been through and how i overcome them. the joy, the laughter, the pain all in one page. :)

wave wave* this is me (2014)

still living under my dad's house, tho its chinese new year but there's no happening at all. i don't feel like a chinese -.- haha. no extra comment. ><

21 years old, my life has been great. i've been unemployed for more than 2 years and a half now, i am glad that i am still surviving. I'm doing business with my partner aka my husband to be. <3 font="" nbsp="">

sometimes, i do think whyy i love the man i love. no special reason, sometimes the feelings are given by The Almighty, maybe this is destiny.. faith.. therefore, i feel really comfortable with him, and i love the way he fall in love with me again. i hope that he can always love me as much as he is now and increasing everyday - not decreasing :) i shall always be faithful towards him.

hearts xx thanks for loving me all over again, i feel like the happiest person on earth again. I'm happy to be with you.

love,

diqtasmers

as much as ..

31st Jan 2014.

As much as..

the thought behind today's topic is filled with many un-desribeable feelings, i was thinking about last September.. well to be exact it was 13th Sept, as much as i begged and hope that it didn't happen but it happened. as much as i wished and plead for a change, it didn't. so as much as i wanted that not to happen.. too bad i wasn't in control, so i spend few months in depression till i lost about 7kg due to lost of appetite and stress.

it was indeed an experience for me, but definitely not a good one and not one that i could be proud of. because i was about to lose myself, it was just that bad and i am indeed ashamed of my own behaviour. 

do you know what i am thinking and what do i have in mind? the thoughts of 'being with him, would i be happy?' it would be a challenge for me to figure out which of his words are true and sincere, because he could be saying that he loves me but inside he loves someone else. so if he do so, kindly applause because he would be one of the worst people ever to have lied and trick my feelings (the one who have been sincere and been walking thru the path of severe heartbreaks and pain) eventually still hanging on like a fool. 

yes, i am a second choice. why would i allow myself to be a second choice? no idea baby.. no idea, there feelings won't even evaluate themselves, how am i going to understand them. pffft* but yes, i am one of the strong iron woman whose heart seems to be made of steel, but deep down my heart was torn apart to the extend that it doesn't look like one. 

ya, wtf! other thoughts has bothered my mind and I'm lazy to think too much. pffft******

Suddenly

Suddenly, i feel that i might not be ready for all this. maybe I'm doubting whether is the life i want to have. to be trapped is what i am feeling honestly. i don't feel the freedom in most aspects of my life because there's always someone standing in front of the door with a "NO" sign hanging on their neck.

2 more weeks till Hong Kong. a vacation that i wished to be filled with a lot of fun and joy while doing business but i wonder how would it turn out. no expectation. hmm~ maybe i should drop expectation.

to be honest, i might not need a relationship. someone there that i really care and love had love another. unfaithfulness ;)
been more than 5 months actually, and God what am i hanging on for? for the sake of? hmm~ thoughts.

if this love won't turn out, i might want to 

25.1.14 Just a little piece of my life

Just a little piece of my life.

Dear readers,

nowadays, i tend to think to myself.
'why am i here',  'why do i feel this way', 'why do i allow this to happen to me', 'did i make the wrong decision to choose this path'


my happiness does not measure by the amount of money i am able to earn per day/per month/ annually. my happiness is measured by the people around me, the memories i create with them and the people who makes me happy. and the golden question is 'am i happy?' 

frankly speaking, i admit that i am a fool. no one told me that the love that i thought was once true could just be my own illusion. and no one told me that, it would be difficult to get out if i fall too deep. the point is, i had enough. :) 

im just too tired to fight for this anymore, nothing i wished to do. and if crap comes over, i'd just asked it to leave. leave my world ! dont come close and crush me.. i do not want to hold another moment of pain inside of my chest. 

so if crap comes by.. please, make your way out.

19th January 2014

Dear readers,

today everything has been well, it was quite frustrating when things are not well planned but overall i am glad that everything was managed to go well without a hitch. being thankful for the NQB's for their cooperation for being on time and the cake sponsor by kyz's lovely girlfriend (farahniss). Thanks to Syura chun for the food preparation and kaka bjera for buying the drinks. It was a wrap.

the boy whom i met 4 years ago, during 28th Nov 2009 and now eveything just change because i've gotten into a relationship with his 7th brother and got closer to his family to the point that his family are just like a family of my own. being thankful for that because i will never forget each moment spent, their love, care and sacrifice for me will always be remembered by me. 

a tiring day, a day that we bought macbook air. its so pricey -.- but oh well, its already in our hand.

truly yours,

diqtasmers

messed up relationship.

This life journey of mine feel so messed up and I wonder if I've chosen the wrong path, I would say I regret choosing this path because of my feelings towards a man. the dedication, the time, the sincerity, the sacrifice that I've give away felt like a waste cause it was not appreciated. Asking me to walk away of this shit, seems hard because I'm either too attached, don't want to get out of my comfort zone or I'm just not ready for the change.

I have no intention of trying to do anything anymore, just so tired of this shit and I should just let you do whatever you want.

remember this : YOU ARE WHERE GOD WANTS YOU TO BE AT THIS VERY MOMENT. EVERY EXPERIENCE IS PART OF HIS DIVINE PLAN  && don't think for a moment that any of it was random. there is no oversight with God. Only perfectly crafted chapters in each unique journey. - yasmin mogahed

Chasing the wind

looking at you, texting her just as if your chasing the wind. checking your lips to see whether are you smiling inside your heart. actually im okay and honestly I was just being jealous of the attention your giving her. then I asked myself ' why are you staring at him and waiting for that smile to pierce your own heart?' then I wonder why did I let myself in this situation. I felt like a fool and I want to run away from this situation.

your precious to me, you will always be precious to me. but if one day, I decided that I had more than enough.. I will shut my heart and force my leg to start walking, walking out of this, out of this situation, out of your life. because I had too much, I've gone thru the worst feeling of pain while I was with you. when you gave your heart to someone else, I was really in depression to the point that nothing seems right and I was crying for comfort. I was having sleepless nights, lying down in the bed with my eyes wide open while I was trying to battle with the pain inside of me till I get tired and fall asleep.

But do you know? I've wanted to leave you so so many times and I have so many valid reason to do so, I told myself to leave to leave to leave to leave you.. but I still end up staying beside you.. not because your special, not because your this and that.. maybe because I've truly loved you or maybe its something else.

just a little pissed

dear readers,

I would like to be as kind as I possibly could. but truth is, I am fighting inside of me. the war between the angel version of myself against the devil part of me, and I wonder if this situation were to fall upon you. what would you do ?

they say God  wanted to test my patience. how long can I hold on ?
this fcking story is ending, because I am just too tired to keep this drama going.
but by ending it, I had few option in hand on how exactly I would like the ending to be.
People who doesn't know the whole story wouldn't understand the crap that I am talking about.

the thing is, if I am evil enough. I can ruin someone's happiness right now with just a snap of my finger. but then, I am sure that this is not what The Almighty would be expecting from me, I bet I was expected to be more patience in handling this emotions inside of me.

Few months has passed.
another 13th is on its way, but im just thinking maybe the last 13th was the closing line for that relationship. a relationship that he find not worth keeping, a relationship that he find not precious enough. I did feel annoyed knowing that his EX contacted him back, i don't like the way the contacted each other and don't say that it's just being all normal because i heard this before and stuff happened. actually i don't mind if she just wanted to know how he is doing, but hmm.. make sure that they don't cross the line. that's all.

you should know baby, the next time you decided to come back inside my heart. you better make sure you wont repeat the same mistake ever again! PS/ kindly pay back all the bruise and scars you left in my heart.


i am just that evil but because i cared you more than my own ego-ness, therefore i am holding the last bullet in hand. i could do evil things, real shit! cause i am just that mad, so don't ever put the opportunity infront of me because i cant promise that i wouldn't attack! i would not even think twice to attack!

respect people, don't piss me off.

is it worth it?

theres someone out there who loves you, who has seen the worst of you and still loves you. who you've hurt badly yet still loves you, who have been through the thick and thin with you, who doesnt mind whatever future she would be having as long as its with you. are you sure she isnt worth keeping? just think about the future  once more and potray your life without her. could you have imagine how would it be like? are you okay with that? if yes then, continue on _

whats on my mind

dear readers, wanna know whats in my mind? im thinking about my next step_ the next step that i will be taking. 

a voice whispers inside me and ask me to be patient and go with the flow_ but my heartache tells me that it doesnt wanna go back to the same place all over again. same Question_ am i afraid of  feeling the pain riding inside my heart? oh yesh, that feeling can break me apart. i am willing to go with the flow, but im afraid to reach the point where history might repeats itself. i rather run away from this feeling rather then carry on and meet it again. 

i should own no feelings, no emotions and no thoughts_ only if i have the ability to do so. sighs* what are the signs The Almighty is trying to show me? i know one thing is that_ his going to be with me for quite some time. 

Ya Allah, it hurts to know. it hurts to ecen imagined it what more if it becomes reality. i wished that i wont meet that situation. amin :') 

stay strong babygirl_ just let everything be. you have no attachments, so if you cant handle it. anytime just_ know that you dont have ti report to anyone. 

truly yours,

diqtasmers

PS/ i know what you did. 😔

14th Dec 2013

Just another thought for the day, i would like to thank the Almighty for always being there for me. nowadays, everything seems to be more stable, my heart felt calmer but then worried at the same time perhaps im just havingg trauma. but im all shield (hopefully) that no matter what happens, i would still accept it and move on. by moving on, im referring to lose all contact because i wouldnt be able to accept the fact that i lost the person i love unless i lie to myself that you never really existed. :') 

the choice of life. 

honestly, i sense something bad. recently, my dad is not at his best condition. he keep saying that he got things to discuss with me, he keep saying that he felt exhausted and tired. i know its not a good sign. just keep praying that he will stay strong. :'( 

but daddy's intention was for me to have a job. a stable job, a stable pay and for him he believed that it would lead me to a stable life. but im sure that's not the life that i am looking forward to, because my heart burns for achievements that i am able to achieve with my hands. the ideas and growth that i am able to shower in my company that i am building is what's getting my attention. i desire freedom, i desire my space to do whatever i want to. _ so sorry daddy, at this moment. im not agreeing to your plan. parents are the best because they care and they worries their children's future but being worried doesnt help. supports and encouragements would help alot, and you will be amazed what we (children) can do. things that you never imagined from us, just when you allow us to shine on our own. :)

_relationship

its killing me alive but im glad that i am breathing now, everything seems to be alright but im still worried, i need an assurance. till he gives me the assurance that history will not repeat itself and that heart will be then be faithful for me. ;) but .. im not sure actually what i really want. 😔 we both have our family problems, just hope that we could be one and share our family problems together. _yesterday was our 2nd year anniversary, im just glad we are still counting. 

dear baby, i know your having trobles at heart. but know that i am always here, just like i said i would for the past 2 years and it will still be the same. i do love you still. :') 

truly yours,

diqtasmers

would you have understand the emptiness within me?

would you have understand?

the feeling that I am feeling right now.
I should be grateful, to be able to see you smile, to hear your laughs, to hear your lovely voices. but then .. I feel the emptiness within me, maybe because I am lost. I am lost in between deciding my future. do you know? it was never easy for us to be together, we are like two different people from two different kind of world trying to be together. but do you love me enough to fight for this love? cause one moment, I see you giving up and chasing something that you felt that you desire the most. you left me by the corner and ran for the floating balloon that is reaching for the sky. but while your chasing after that balloon, I got myself hurt while holding on to you.

_ love or _

but baby..in the end, we are still here together holding each others hand. is this faith? part of me always tells me that we are cant be separate, do you feel the same way? I could say I love you, but I am afraid you don't feel the same way. if you do feel the same way, would you be willing to fight for this love once more? would you be faithful this time and wont let go of my hand anymore? Question is_ would you be ready to spend the rest of your life with me?

life is_

what if, what if I decide to leave? what if .. would you hold my hand tightly and asked me not leave? would you show me how much you cared and needed me in your life? Question is_ do you love me earnestly with your heart? baby, I wished to tell you I love you, please tell me that you do too.. before I have a change of heart.


truly yours,
diqtasmers