This feeling is not the first time, once in a while this feeling would visit me and just make me feel like a mess. and i guess because it's a holiday season now because the lazy bug is back in town :D
so many appointment in a day - 5 things to do and i always end up just fulfilling one only. yea, feeling bad that i wasn't there at xavier's open house which he texted me and said ' thanks for not coming to my open house' but yea i met him w his ..... IS 300c lol, he wants to keep it low profile? :D i didnt went to church, cause i wasnt feeling it that much - this feeling tells me that i just want to be in BED. just teranah dirumah saja, :') but yeaa, didnt want to put off another airplane. so i was on time, friend invited me an hour early so i was there standby for that long. :D thanks for the invite jiamin - BBQ + Steamboat.
as i was driving, alot came to my mind.
my desire to purchase a new gadget, and i tried to ask myself deeper why do i want to ?
and i couldn't find a reason strong enough but to realize i dont know how to appreciate the gadget that i have now ;) sorry nokia - am i wrong if i said, i hope you could be a better gadget.? in a relationship yeaa, that would be wrong but .. in the gadget world. NAH ~ ;) *nonsense*
do you know how exactly i get away from my previous job? yea i was working happily there, with people whom i considered as my family. who cares for me and who see me more than others, but unfortunately i was giving them hint - then they wanted me to be more patient which is not in my dictionary, finally i just left without giving anyone anymore chance to say a word.
it was 2 months ago when i left. i sent a letter of 24 hour notice - not a month but just 24 hour and just left a place where i was nurture for a year, all the care, love and guidance given were taken for granted? or am i just simply a person who dont know how to appreciate? yeah, perhaps - babyboy (my car) is just an excuse for me to say that they wages i was given ain enough. if i dont have babyboy - would i stay ?
maybe what big fish said was right, as my choice has show what i prior the most. but i denied it, - as my family pour in more perspective regarding my work . i have agreed with them and did as they advised. not giving my previous company any chance to take any advantage on me and at the same time, im afraid to give them even a moment to talk to me because i know if they were to .. i wouldnt continue to stay...
have my work makes me a happier person ?
i would say , it's totally a different thing from my previous work. i wouldnt enjoy being in the same position if i stayed at my previous company. staying in this company does secure my wages than before, travelling have been one of my dream but now it will be a bit different if someone special is missing :)
no, im not a happier person .. because there are things unsettled. and fear is overcoming me, tho it seems that slowly slowly the universe is trying to get me to face this Fear.
love?
loving a person and keeping it constant is not easy, especially letting go of your own ego, be more understanding ;) what i realize is that when you fall in love a person, you dont really know them until time passed by and you realize that they are just like every other people, just like you and me - imperfect. And from there - learning to love a person's imperfectness , as no matter what situation bad or good - learning to accept them as who they are, and still love them the same. no less but more. ;)
loving you- hidayat kms.
too many thoughts to share,
now back to pemalas mode. :D
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