Finally im blogging again :D
sounds so depressing but how can i explain my situation ? how i truly felt ? have i forgotten how to be more authentic already ? i was back in the environment yesterday, it was something suggested by myself with no intention of attending it. *great right* i know ;)
but got busted. :D so Big Guy texted and .. i was there tho i was quite busy w my brothers and on the other side, mom was nagging me to go home ;D it was Jared's birthday - cant blame her cause she told me earlier that she'd be there by 7:30pm and it's already 8pm when i drop by to meet up the group.
zumba later on. ;)
sweetypie wants to Join, - that's sweeet baby. ,3 cant wait to see her.
it's Zumba w Big Guy ( brother M ) , yeah' i need to burn some calories. :D
ENERGY PLEASE.
it's been quite a while since i've been out w my friends ;) the so called - hanging out.
used to be with CV-ians alot. the Best Buddy gang who would always invite this little kid around and come to think of it, i guess no one judge me but myself. ;) used to hangout at the rack alot. :D but now ' so seldom - actually is never since last dec? Zun is back now, and we're having some time out tomorrow afternooon. Glad Shan is willing to join us for Tea ;)
after that, might should ' well actually i SHOULD join them to celebrate mama angkat's birthday. Afterall, they invited (remembered) me. so dont be too ..
Sunday, another Open House that i was invited to. so sorry to Xavier Lee that i didnt attend his open house ;D *so bad ah me* - guess next time i need to show up more.
so much in my mind that im so lazy to think of too many things. ;)
something is not right between myself and my brother kyz. something is just not right anymore - maybe too much things unsaid ? i don't know what should be said/done anymore. letting it be ? ohboyy. what can i say? sometimes, i'm afraid to say anything because when he said something ' it's just too HURTFUL to myself. so better just be quiet and let him be and do what he wants to do. just a very simple hello and byebye would be okay for me as long as dont say those hurtful words. you meant that much to me, but it was so easy for you to say those hurtful words. i did alot to show my care, but it was not enough for you. wanted you to do the right thing in life, wanted you to work but maybe i was wrong also because who can tell someone what to do in life. maybe you will be success in what you are doing now, i guess i could only wish you all the best. but yea, the thoughts of thinking you dont need me, not even need my wish to you does hurts me ;)
huff* i've cared for you like my true brother. before anything aku malar utamakan kamu daripada yang lain. mostly what i did dulu time lepak w you guys are mostly because of you. kerna aku sayangkan kamu, as i always say aku anggap kamu sebagai my brother. kamu paham jua, yang penting kyz pandai pikir* is what i always say. but things now makin different sudah .. we seldom spend time together, always w you because you want to lepak w others saja. i dont know about life, ;) we used to be so far but our heart always close - now we are so close but then our heart become so far. so which is better? i dont want this relationship menjadi macam ini.. but what can i do when it's already happen.
maybe im not good enough for you, .. so yeah, you said you'd stop hoping from me. does that mean you will also stop caring for me? if yes then it shows clearly that since ive nothing to give, you dont bother anymore. ;) i really hope that in your heart you wont think bad things because that would hurt me more. i rather choose to know nothing about what you think like you always tweet in twitter, but the bad thing about me is i wil go and see it. it's just so hurt, ;) because i saw the way your heart is that you think of me before when we have a bit argue. but do you know why more than 2 years ago, your a person who i would care and keep in contact? because i always always read your blog and saw your heart. you have a Good heart, and that what i like most about you. im just not sure what's happening now. :')
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in love w you hidayat :')
it's like 10 more days till our 2nd monthsary ;)
ohlalala ~
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