realization

i come to a point that, loving someone can be so complicated. a very simple intention could turn half of the world up side down, someone so close can be so far away. when you dont fully trust a person, its like a glass with a crack - a small pressure and crack the whole thing down, it's easier to get them into an agreement. Because when a person doubt, they're not stable and easy to shaken.


Lies, is only when you believe and give life to it.


I saw a "pattern" in my life, another obstacle has come - is this my 5 mins advance alarm telling me that, times is almost up ? Because when this event show up recently, my mind introduce my heart the idea of escaping, which is also one of my bad habit in life. I always have a vision to escape myself from reality and i had it few times today. I feel like running away from all of this mess, i always believe that what had broke cant be mend. I dont want to be there all day feeling uneasy, i dont want my mentor to hear the story as if i've done it all wrong. i dont want to disappoint my mentor, i always look up to him. tho he seems really really far away from me now, i can only see his back facing me. 


I dont want to end this way.