the world & myself.

Hello People,

I realize that my last two post started with 'hello life' and today instead of life - i 'choose' people instead, perhaps im not thinking much about life now but more to what life has :)

This is how it sounds - ' This is the first time i do this kind of thing, and i'm utterly excited' - said by a 65 year old man.  , ' OhmyyGawddd, that's so deeep' - exclaimed the 65 year old man.          ( i can't believe that's what i extracted out from our little conversation) . :D

So this is about yesterday when i was at the other counter, a 65 year old man - decided to go on a tour to see Brunei and he explains that 'this is the first time i do this kind of thing, and i'm utterly excited' ;) after a long wait, i apologized for taking such a long time and thanked him for waiting. He said it's alright because he have 12 hours of wait in the airport, i then share my thoughts that ' it's not a bad thing to wait so long, as i was sitting there for about an hour - it gives me more time to reflect upon what's going on in my life and what have i been missing out, as well as slowing down my thoughts as i was journal-ing' & he Goes - ''ohhmyygaawddd, that's so deeep' Haha- i was surprised by his reaction LOL :)

and so i got back to the counter and told my colleage that there's a 65 year old guy that said - the first two sentences i mentioned above and i yellow out. he was like ''wtf?'' :D

I used to want the best of 'Both worlds' But now, i want the best of "Four" worlds.

My life has been pretty much involved in many different Groups, and while i was MIA for 2 weeks - they sensed my absence and started to asked what happened. "honestly, i dont even know what happened" - ( because i wasn't asking myself deep enough )

But i did actually try to find out, it took me at least an hour to journal & ask myself + on facebook :D & after figuring most of it, i thought i wanted to have the best of All worlds lol. I shared my thoughts, awareness and my decision with Donald Duck - but her respond does not support my decision, instead of telling me what to do, she explained that im actually 'spreading myself too thin'    , so im like ' what's spreading myself too thin?'

(spreading myself too thin- because i intended to cover all the areas therefore unconsciously i spread myself too thin and it's easier to break' 

But i dont really agree on her perspective tho, because my ego and stuborn ness tells me if i dont do this, i'd end up MIA for the rest of the other worlds and stayed at One/Two.

i understand that, i may lose focus and not being in present other word - not being and enjoying the moment. but i'd like to give it a try, risk it, fall , get myself back up & learn from the lesson.

thanks for the concern,Donna Duck ;)

So Night, - dont want to touch on what really happened. 

the other Part of my Night, i was out with the boys to complete some projects.

And i loved few of the photos Taken, rugged. :)

Mr.Cool - 

candid shot ;)

Layzie -

candid shot ;)

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Not good with ROADS !

they all look the same , and lucky that i got Help otherwise i may need to spend a night at K.Lurah :D

appreciate it. ;)  - hermano

much love.

Birthday in 24 ;)

hello Life ;)


have you heard of 6-8-12 by Brian McKnight ? :)
" i miss you so much & i don't know what to say " - one of the lyrics
this song has been replayed countless time as i was driving - & i do missed him till i don't even know what to say :D


Big Fish went oversea again, and i was glad to see him. I know his busy but he haven made a sound, i'm just glad his recovering and taking good care of himself. As usual, i requested Gift from my God mother, my Mentor as well before they took off to Melbourne. Same goes to Brother Wils & Theo before they went into the plane, and i didnt miss out asking Big Fish for my gift from Bangkok because my birthday is coming soon. But his respond was - he said he didnt even have to give me a gift, and i'll know by then. Quite fishy lols - ;) 


24 more days, tho there's a slight dissapointment because the other option may not be able to be fulfilled. & i do want it to happen. I guess i'm jumbling my thoughts up again so readers have no idea what am i writing about :D mysterious much ? 


last night, i spent some time with zim because he told me that his really down. His sharing does surprised me, because i have no idea that he been through that much. As all along, i find him very attached to me - and i didn't enjoyed it until knowing more about him & his life, i realized that i wanted to care for him as his my 'brother' tho his younger. All in all, i enjoyed the night - thanks for the wonderful sharing & the trust ;)


'we believe in you, we really do' , 'you're the one that i will always believe in because i see what u are' - S


that's few very strong words & i feel good receiving these compliments but at the same time i have no idea what does it truly means, i appreciate when they texted me and asked about how i was.


Life is just awesome :D
i got myself new lens, and yea i spend over 600 bnd in less than a week.
and the reason was - ohh, my birthday is coming so im actually pampering myself. how about that? lols - spoiled brat! controlling :D


Much love

Life Now ;)

Hello Life,


i realize the changes in my life - by the people i interacted with, what i care & what used to bother me and now does not hold the same impact on me. Life has been well, i sent 3 letters just in a month, First letter was for my Mentor , second was for Winter Bob and third was for the 3 Musketeers. I'm truly glad actually that i was able to express more of myself, learning to overcome the fear of allowing other people to know how i truly feels.


I enjoyed the time spent with Mr.Cool ! thanks for just sitting down, listening to my sharing about my story and my life. appreciate it ! ;) & thanks for taking the Bus all the way down to find me, the effort that you put into it tells me that you worth alot ! ;) 
you sure do look like you fancy me, but either way - your just like a 'brother' to me. Definitely a Cool friend to have. :) Great to know youu ! Mr. Cool.


Everything is energy, because i wasn't showing up too well. My team felt my energy & got pissed about it - i wasn't aware on how i show up, due to some unresolved matter that kept bothering my mind. i should have resolved it, i should have shared about it. And lesson learnt was - say what you need to say & do what you need to do before it got 'worst'.


I guess i'm the happiest person ever when november arrives, that's because i have a vision that my working hour will be shorten & i can finally breathe ! :) but don't make assumptions because we never know what's ahead, you'd never know whats been planned. It may not be as how i wanted it to be. Haha, just have faith then.




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November ;


Cant predict the future but i guess my time will be more spent on how to help the boys. So i'm going to spend more time with the boys & this is like 2 years ago all over again.
life @ night - i do enjoy every moment spent with Big Guy & the rest.
So basically life for me - remains 'awesome' . I can't describe how i feel but it's way too awesome now because the universe tickled me as perhaps i've found 'brothers' around me. <3


Life is just Awesome for me. :)




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Aware-ness Journal ;


i realize drowning myself with thoughts & not doing anything about it - doesn't do any good for me. Perhaps it's because i am finding my authentic self, to be true to myself therefore i couldn't put a smile on my face if i simply don't feel good. i think the word is - inner alignment, what i think, what i feel, what i say should match and not feeling this way and express it the other way round.


What i do is i write letters to them, again - writing letter is not an 'old fashion' way, it's just 'another' way. Tho i wrote 3 letters this month but trust me as before i even passed the first written letter to my mentor my hand was shaking with fear - fear of confrontation, knowing the feedback, fear of letting someone in to know how i truly feels. but i did, tho my Mentor's respond was - *bang* i got shot, hours of alignment with him, sounds like we had an argument but i do appreciate him because as i was talking, he taught me how to listen to what i'm saying - and i was able to know more about myself.


Don't fear to be wrong, i learn to be more of myself. Learn to be more courageous & fear not of other's judgement.


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Just as Mr.Cool shared the other day - he said that it seems to him i've been living up to every moment. && truly that's the Word - 'moment' :)




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i just feel well blessed now, the people that surrounds me -
seems like within the crowd, i found what i always wanted ;)



much love.

Winter Bob on wheel back home :')

WINTER BOB !
have a safe drive back to home ;) Gonna Miss you ! :')




- is this like one of the best moment of my life ? :) 
i think i almost Hit a 'Bingo' 


at this very moment of my life , i felt it as if it's one of the best moments.
flashback to Big Brother whom taught me to Love & Care regardless of any blood relation, tho his now far far away from me but his always close to my heart ;) Coming back to present, knowing that there's this bitch also known as my best friend loves me - the Fish who cares about me, and at this moment where i found 3 musketeers who care for me like i'm the little sister. Back in 2009, they made the place like 'heaven on earth' for me - now that they had already passed my life, instead 'heaven found me' ♥


much love!
itsruismers,

when the universe gives you a slap

When the universe gives you a slap in the face, thats when you took silent & start to reflect deeper upon your action. I got few slaps in my life , and times when I just numb up & escape ! - Thats just 'Me' :)
I remember that my life came across this guy, who is such a 'brother' to me. His care & attention really got into me and I just enjoyed being around him to find that feeling of having a 'brother' - and on my 16th birthday, I caught myself crossing the line - so much that I took silent & jailed myself in the room for 2 days straight with no phone calls, no facebook or out of the house. I stuffed myself in the room, doing a 2 day movie marathon. I snapped :D


And today, well last night - I experienced another mini slap from the universe, perhaps it's just a reminder (uncertain) but it caused me to doubt on myself. There's a time where I told myself that 'no' I dont want it anymore - & for me, no one can replace them. It's been almost 2 years now that time brought us apart & I never met them yet or get to know how on earth are they doing. But truly, BigBrother taught me how to love & care for a person tho we don't have any blood relation & he got others to care for me the same :) they made the place like 'heaven on earth' for me, so wonderful but I cant miss them because they have already became a part of my life.

Thankyou for your love ;)

As life goes on, moves on. I've been surrounded by people of different groups & ages - and I've taken them like part of my family, caring & taking things as it's also part of my concern, constantly choosing to help and care as I hope it would be the same for me. I used to stick on to ' treat others as how you want to be treated' ;) but that doesnt work too well because it consists of expectation and resulting dissapointments.

On second thought, I'd still believe that I'd be able to find & make my biggest dream come true , who truly cares & not taking advantage. ;) but all in all, Thank God because wherever I am, im always well surrounded by people showering me w care & love.

Appreciate all the love, embracing all the happenings. Life is good, even @ work they're like my Papa, Mama & brother. (such a child)



Much love.

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life calls! :)

Laugh out loud moments.

Dude, you have no idea what type of roller coaster I've just got myself into. Life is just crazy, the people I cared and love, the relationship that I hold unto, and lesson to be learnt.

Big Fish is coming back today, the whole world knows nothing - it's between himself and me , that something is on the way, im not holding up too much hope. I'm just keeping it cool, and hoping that the next topic wont stress me out. ;) somehow, I'm still having cvo4 in mind, it's next month and it's all about how I show up.
Better get well charged and rock Tuesday ;)

Spending much time @ the rack.
A place to chill out, but Fun Fun cause I get to know more people ;) met few people which I hardly met esp azim, whom show up suprisingly, Cecilia & Terence my old pool buddy (the China times), Bro Ping friends of kaka rifah, Fai as well :)

Where I am now, I know there's a time when it'll pause ;)

Bored much and freezing :D

Comfortable ness is what im looking for, and im glad few moments were found w him cause it's been awhile ;) -'P'

Much love.

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Me me me :)

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