something ain right

Something ain right, something weighted it down and i haven got a clue of what's happening. When i was reminded about my well being, i recall back in November when i was at SS. A place i love, a place i call home because of all the love showered upon me - i found a brother, a mother, a Big daddy and many auntie and uncles around. But are those love conditional or unconditional ? Because i'm no longer with you - you're no longer as supportive as you were because i left harshly. you didn't received an explanation and as for myself i couldn't find the necessity for any further explanation. Things between us - are not well settled. Few days ago, you saw me - but that look on your face when you passed by me tells me that your trying to show me that you're doing well without me. I never thought that you couldn't live without me or things will break down if i weren't there. i just knew that .. you will be restless. that's all. (;


I've been in this place for a month now, indeed it's very slow for me - but everything has been well. They had the heart and do intended to bring me further to the next level, perhaps slowly when i am able to manage everything here ' i will be able to operate smoothly. My Superior was the one who reminded me about myself, i truly didn't noticed it. " who am i? " - i Questioned myself and how was i before? " What do you see in me that i myself couldn't and what do i own that attracted your interest to invest in me?' i remember when Big Fish always carries this trust on Me - that he sees me more than anyone else did. 'Thank BigFish for all the care, love, support, encoragement and everything- sorry for leaving, perhaps i do not belong there. Most of all, thank you and Mentor for the love, best of luck to you and you have my blessings' 


i guess, im lost of who i am now (; 
i hope i could find myself after the KL trip with my beloved Brother.
No Question asked Please! (; - because i dont want to think about it too deep yet.
pardon me, and grant me more time to find myself again. (:


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November, December, Now January -
The time that we spent together is Amazing, things that we do ' simple yet meaningful.
i enjoyed being with you, loving you more and more each and everyday. I'd like to apologize all the things that i've did which upset or hurt you. never meant to do all those things, i guess we can't deny that our love has gone really far and deep. thanks for the every little thing that you did for me, thanks for your heart that contained so much wonderful love for me. words can't fully express how we feel. (; 
dear hidayat, i love you and i would like to spend the rest of my life with you.
i truly love the way you love me. (;




truly yours
Diqtasmers.