20.01.2013

feeling upset, & worst is because i don't really knows why. 

life is really unpredictable.

recently, i kept thinking about life & again the 'purpose' of being alive, being who i am otherwise who i suppose to be. because day after day it's been quite the same .. what's not the same is the new problem that has entered our life when we're not prepared for it.

I'm somehow quite worried about what's coming, tho at first i was quite excited but after learning some facts, i guess i'd rather run away than facing it. because i dislike confrontation & worst is i hate problems. i'd like to live a quite & happy life otherwise a problematic life made me think more ... thinking about what really matters in life & why am i facing all these problems.

my brothers are going through their teenage life, so uncontrollable .. is that what teenage is all about because i could still remember during my teeen i was doing almost the same thing. going out till late night otherwise overnight somewhere else would be even better because i didn't enjoyed being part of this family. I'm not sure what's in it for them but it seems to me that they're living life w no purpose as well.. just like me? maybe..

sometime i thought life sucks, because daily working & earning money , saving them & what's it for in the end? so i guess, we'd better enjoy life.. the moment, being present * and blablabla*

Life is suppose to be something wonderful, it's suppose to be that way & i hoped that it'd be that way for me. a lost sheep a lost sheep a lost sheeep i am..

i guess i need something exciting in my life. i guess traveling is part of the answer.

otherwise i'd plan to be far far far far far far far far away from here. just disappear

that's me, i am always thinking thinking thinking.. that's why i can be bored otherwise i'd be overthinking.. 

truly yours,

ruiyee 

Christmas is here! :)

Merry Christmas to everyone! :)
Time flies, another Christmas has come.. i hardly recalls what i did last year, but im pretty sure i was working that time, and did attend some activities. Just some,.. :) but this year, i guess i am not attending any.. * complicated * :')

But anyways , i prayed for an amazing Christmas celebration to those whose celebrating. :) Joy to the world! :) May God Bless us all! :)

november left, ;)

' i somehow wonders what's the next november is going to be like. I wonders about what my life is going to be like after this, would i be living the life that i always dreamed of? Or i'd still be the same? Or it'd be worst? People says that the future is in our hands, cause we are the one who choose what we want, we are the one who decides and we can change our destiny.

Sometimes i hate how emotions works, and it sucks sometimes when i don't know how to handle my own emotions and screw everything up. And sometimes, i hate the way i am, and caught myself thinking that why am i like this? Cause sometimes it's just so inappropriate, but it's already a part of who i am. And it's up to ME to change, if i choose to change but i'm always afraid of changing, i'm afraid of 'changes' but at times, i just need to learn how to accept and let go.

Since when i became a turtle hiding inside a shell?
After asking myself, i guess it's because i dislike confrontation alot & i dislike people talking about things i don't want to talk about. I felt that people around me constantly tells me what is right and what is wrong but i'm just the type of person who never listens because i simply chooses and decides what i believes in and what i wanted for my life, sometimes the outcome wasn't too satisfying but then we just need to accept it & get along with it.

Perhaps , i made the choices that is quite unexpected and out of most people's expectation. That's when people couldn't digest it well & start giving out negative energies and pushes me away. In the end, this is just part of my journey in life.. & for other, it's just not really a problem actually cause it's not your problem - this is about me & my life. I guess what's important is that we cherish every moment possible & create magical moments as life has many unexpected events. We can never predict what's next and we can never be sure that we're gonna live long .. anything can happen in any moment in our life, unexpected even when we're not ready for it. (':

Truly yours,
ruiyee

November is leaving soon..

Dear readers,

November is leaving soon, I can somehow still recall some of the event that happened during last November. Just work and stress (: cause I was in total dilemma, now both the b**** and I arent working but good for him atleast his having a lot of interviews and at least he knows where's his o lvl cert, because yea, mine's lost. (:

Am I still considered as a human if I lost my olevel cert? I quite confident that I passed it to my dad. I didnt knew how important it was or I was just being care-less? But all in all, im just being here and trying to figure out what life truly means.

Im here getting frustrated abit because everyone, well not everyone but almost everyone nags! Asking me to get a job, but what's life? Suffer and die? Enjoy and die? Maybe it's about the afterlife, then what does this life meant cause most people ain care about anything but only to survive in this society, taking care of themselves.

Ohh daddy, his just too adorable. Such a patient guy, soft and just being very very patient but inside his very stressful, because he have to face his stupid sister (maybe she's an angel in his eye but for me - she's just controlling him) I mean come on, if u truly cares as u said u care for me? Then dont complain about something and said u'd help only if this and that. Go check the dictionary for what does 'unconditionally' means! Love unconditionally people, ! So sick ... Cause she's being annoying and dad starts to annoys me and I m totally annoyed -.-

So December is coming soon, yea Christmas (:
Again, trying to find the purpose of being alive. (: but ofcourse, im certain that we need to appreciate and be thankful that we're being alive and safe and peace but those people just give me second thought that life is like ... #whatever

___ only lagsana and cheeesecake can heal me now. (:

6 days ago on my birthday :D

` Could this be another boring ' Monday ' ?

6 days ago -

Spend my 20th Birthday with him` :) It was a lovely evening with Him @ Swensen. Just a very sweet & lovely dinner with him, tho we were both on our phone while dinner updating our instagram :D he bought me a new phone, which i loved. But he bought it few days before my birthday and i was quite funny. :)

Also thanks to all whom Inbox, Message, Facebook, IG, WhatsApp Me. really appreciate it :D

10th November 2012

Sometime i feel like my life is like a "Blank Page" 

Because i don't really know what to write about, in other words - too much =')

Dear November,

Thank you for a blessed month.

Turning 20 years old in few more days.

Your always always always in my Heart ! :')

i Love you <3 font="font">

always Faithful ..

November ! :)

November is finally here ! :)

Dear November, i do miss you ~ ! :) it's almost been a year .. and almost a year it is, that i've get to know this crazy guy who came into my life. :)
I guess, 365 days ago.. i was still working in Sunshine.. in dilemma whether should i be working with the other company or not ? babyboyy was with me wherever i go` he always bring me to wherever i want to. :) i missed him alot ! His now under other people's car so i wish & pray that he will be well treated. sorry for that i've abandon you` it was difficult for me too. :') Hope to get you back soon ! <3 p="p">
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At this very moment, Life has been fine. i am still surviving in this world & thank God that i'm still alive & blessed. I'm almost 20 years old, and .. it's unbelievable ` cause i never really imagine myself being 20 & what's it's like to be 20 years old. :)

You know, i'd love a life where there's no worries & where everything is secure. :)
Now i felt kinda insecure due to some situation that's not totally stable yet, but i'm doing my best to sustain it. Really not much people know what in the world i am up to, except my family & my love ones. There's alot of people who doesn't 100% support what i do, but seriously` i am tired to confront all these thought that other people have because i am SO NOT going to live the way you simply want or thought would be the best for me` :)
is this Life ? maybe yes, maybe not but i believe and always have been believing that everything happens for a reason.

It was never really on my mind that today my life would be like this` :') life is totally unpredictable. :D


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November. i really need a miracle :)
i pray that, it will turn out fine :) keep me strong ! :D


Loving you always, Hidayat Kms` <3 p="p">
truly yours,
ruiyee.