my heart doesn't feel content.
not blaming the environment, but it's a fact that my environment is me.
how we were brought up, i wished we were more of a loving and a caring family rather
than a monster family filled with so many crazy things, i really hate 'them', they way they talked, shout, boss around, judge - i got fed up because they never changed and i've been eating up this shit for more than a decade now.
went somewhere to takeaway food and just observing the brother and sister smiling & just being so gentle and patient with each other. i really envy them & deep inside me i was wishing that my family would be atleast 40% just like them, i'd be more than grateful. :') i am already 20 years old & coming 21 by the end of the year. i'm turning into an adult. adult, again i always wished i was a child - a mindless child who didn't knew too much about this world. but time flies, time never wait for anybody. each and everyday we're growing up - my youngest brother is already 13 years old. his a teenager now, the age i always wished i can get back to.
dear dad, i wished that when those crazy people started to attack me. i really wished that your there to protect me but at the same time i knew you incapable of doing that cause i knew you'd get attacked instead even if your trying to protect me. maybe you were always there being my guardian angel, i just never knew nor realize. but i just hate to know that you got hurt, and i really hate them for being so inhuman. i pray that you'll find peace in life, i pray that you'll just simply relax your mind, let go of your worries and stress - simply just enjoy life.
the stress level, problems, responsibility that falls unto your hand is actually way more than you can handle. but i salute you for always able to be so patient, so calm which are the values i'm trying to learn. always be happy dad, eventho i'm always being upset about how you didn't act as a shield for me when monster attacked me but i truly loved and care for you because no matter what, i know you'll never ever ever leave me & my brothers. So i pray that God will bless you to have a long, healthy & happy life ahead. :) Amen! :)
#dedicated to my dad
truly yours,
ruiyee
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