Leading

wow ! 

such responsibility, im not sure who am i right now or where do i actually stands. am i the leader? am i leading my team? cause im not sure but what im sure is whenever theres problem, when there's a mess or trouble - i will be the person theyre looking for. 

i decide the times, i contact the line. i made decisions, and i feel like im responsible for everything here. 

today was such a mess, two events happen and i was the one to look for. am i trying to lead? i feel like im just trying to do whats right and try to make things right. but now im kinda like expected to lead so when problems occurs im the one to be responsible and handle it. 

i just hope my team will really do their best in their work, i wont blame them tho. because i dont want to break this bond that we have and i dont want to create too many hard times for them but what happen just now really breaks me a little. my tears came out and wow- im feel pretty pressured and all those thing that my mentor says does sound like ive been lectured. 

i know you want answers, but overall. what im showing you perhaps is that im not doing good enough in handling all of this. and im really sorry that your dissapointed but dont expect me to be as you wanted because you may lead me to grow in a wrong way. im not weak, i can definitely do better but please pardon me more space to breatg and grow. 


Humbly His,
love always -rui